Search
Tools
Listening
Reading
1. Academic
2. General
Writing
1. IELTSWriting Checker
2. IELTS Writing Samples
Speaking

Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary school. Do you agree or disagree?

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary school. qgaD

It is often said that some school subjects, such as music, art and drama should be integral parts of primary school curriculum. I totally agree with the view that such these subjects can be as equally important as other subjects, like math. Admittedly, academic subjects can be extremely significant. Because students can learn a considerable amount from them. Math, for example, should be taught at primary schools. This allows them to learn some basic mathematics in order to manage their finance in the future. In addition, studying these subjects can provide students with more career options in their adulthood. Should they want to have a decent job, they need to study these academic subjects. Therefore, they make a lot of money. Conversely, I completely believe that music, art and drama should be taught at primary schools. Because they can be extremely beneficial for students. Not only do they strengthen the students’ imagination and creativity but they also improve their cultural understanding. These allow them to discover their true personality and broaden their horizon. Therefore, young children can accept and tolerate the differences in the world better when they get older. In addition, these non-academic subjects kill the pupils’ boredom and help them to concentrate on the academic subjects. As a result, they may perform better at schools. Moreover, children who may be talented can discover their talents and nurture them. This allows them to achieve a better career progression in the future. In conclusion, I totally agree with the view that these three subjects should be incorporated into syllabus at schools as they can have really considerable benefits on children’s lives.

It is This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:frequently
often
 said that This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
, such as music, art and drama should be integral parts of primary You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
school
 curriculum. I totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with the view that such these You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
 can be as equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:vitalcriticalessential
important
 as other You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
, like math.

Admittedly
, academic You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
 can be extremely
 significant. “Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withundergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
 can learn a considerable amount from them. Math, for example
, should be taught
 at primary You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
schools
. This This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorizes
allows
 them to learn This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 basic mathematics in order to manage their finance in the future. In addition
, studying these You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
 can provide You use this word too often, consider replacing it withundergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
 with more career options in their adulthood. Should they want to have a decent job, they need to study these academic You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
. Therefore
, they This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
 money.

Conversely
, I completely believe that music, art and drama should be taught
 at primary You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
schools
. This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
Because
 they can be extremely
 beneficial for You use this word too often, consider replacing it withundergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students
. Not This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :exclusively
only
 do they strengthen the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withundergraduatescholarpupiljuniorgraduate
students’
 imagination and creativity This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 they also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :ameliorate
improve
 their cultural understanding. These This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorize
allow
 them to discover their true personality and broaden their horizon. Therefore
, young children can accept and tolerate the differences in the world better when they This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquire
get
 older. In addition
, these non-academic You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
 kill the pupils’ boredom and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :assistassistance
help
 them to concentrate on the academic You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
. As a result
, they may perform better at You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
schools
. Moreover
, children who may be talented
 can discover their talents and nurture them. This This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorizes
allows
 them to achieve a better career progression in the future.

In conclusion
, I totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with the view that these three You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcasesubject mattermaterialbusinessaffairstudy
subjects
 should be incorporated
 into syllabus at You use this word too often, consider replacing it withinstituteacademyuniversityhalljailfaculty
schools
 as they can have really
 considerable benefits on children’s This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :resides
lives
. 