Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. nB12
Attention to bodyfigure is proving to be an important topic among our society. In fact, this criteria wasn't as popular as it is currently. In specific kids weigh is being put under the microscope. The reason could be the remarkable 20% increase of overweight children over the last ten years. This essay will discuss some of the hidden reasons behind such a change and it's repurcutions on kids health. Firstly, we should mention that changes in young people 's life style is the main cause contributing in those extra kilos being gained. for example in the past children enjoyed their time outdoors and in the parks. whereas now, they are stuck in front of screens either playing video games or watching movie and surfing the web. Consequently the lock of movement and activities could explain this weight fluctuation. In addition, our eating habits has changed immensely over the last few years. Moreover, due to the easy access to fast food and the advertisement published everywhere, kids are preferring those junk food over healthy cooked meals. As a result to all the causes mentioned above many issues are being reported. Evidently the main issue is the averse effect on children's health. For instance, because of the excess amount of sugar consumed daily through soft drinks, candies and all the sweets available on the market, numerous kids are suffering from early diabetes leading to raising their weigh. More health problems such as shortness of breath, laziness, and more serious ones such as high cholesterol levels is proving to be popular among kids health problems. To sum things up, switching to an unhealthy lifestyle is hurting kids tremendously. As a consequence of that one of the many symptoms being noticed is the increased number of overweight children.
Attention to
Possible spelling mistake found.
bodyfigure
is proving to be an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
topic among our society. In fact,
Did you mean "these"?
this
criteria wasn't as popular as it is
currently
. In specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
weigh is
being put
under the microscope. The reason could be the remarkable 20% increase of overweight children over the last ten years. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
hidden reasons behind such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and it's
Possible spelling mistake found.
repurcutions
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
health.

Firstly
, we should mention that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life style is the main cause contributing in those extra kilos
being gained
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example in the past children enjoyed their time outdoors and in the parks.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, they
are stuck
in front of screens either playing video games or watching movie and surfing the web.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
the lock of movement and activities could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
this weight fluctuation.

In addition
, our eating habits has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
immensely
over the last few years.
Moreover
, due to the easy access to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food and the advertisement published everywhere,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
those junk food over healthy cooked meals.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result to all the causes mentioned above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues are
being reported
.
Evidently
the main issue is the averse effect on children's health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the excess amount of sugar consumed daily through soft drinks, candies and all the sweets available on the market, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are suffering from early diabetes leading to raising their weigh. More health problems such as shortness of breath, laziness, and more serious ones such as high cholesterol levels is proving to be popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
health problems.

To sum things up, switching to an unhealthy lifestyle is hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
tremendously
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a consequence of that one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
symptoms
being noticed
is the increased number of overweight children.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.