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Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. dNJX
According to some, teaching art matters like music and drama play an important role at the primary school as much as other subjects. In my view, these activities help pupils to boost their ability and find their talent. To begin with, undoubtedly, if at primary school students learn art subjects like painting or music, these subjects help them to improve their social skills and self-esteem. Because these exercises are mostly done in a group, and they should perform in front of the audience. Consequently, they learn how to communicate with each other in the form of teamwork, which can leads to their success in society because communication skills are critical to finding a decent job. In addition, not everyone is interested in scientific and mathematical topics at the elementary school; therefore, these students may discover their behind talents in artistic matters. Admittedly, these correct choices can lead to choosing their profession at an early age, for example, Justin Bieber is one of the well-known singers across the world who found his talent at an early age in terms of music. Finally, these benefits are more pronounced when students' minds are exhausted due to the fact that most of the time they use their minds to solve complex mathematical and science issues, so these entertainments help them to think outside the box and refresh their minds. This would in all likelihood lead to be a success in other subjects such as math, science, and even learn a new language. To sum up, there is no doubt doing art activities at the primary schools can flourish intrinsic talents of pupils at the early ages which can be a turning point in their lives, and I think with discovering these abilities they can cultivate it correctly and prevent from eliminates these talents.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, teaching art matters like music and drama play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role at the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as much as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. In my view, these activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils to boost their ability and find their talent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, if at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students learn art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like painting or music, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and self-esteem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these exercises are
mostly
done in a group, and they should perform in front of the audience.
Consequently
, they learn how to communicate with each other in the form of teamwork, which can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to their success in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are critical to finding a decent job.

In addition
, not everyone
is interested
in scientific and mathematical topics at the elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
therefore
, these students may discover their behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
in artistic matters.
Admittedly
, these correct choices can lead to choosing their profession at an early age,
for example
, Justin Bieber is one of the well-known singers across the world who found his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
at an early age in terms of music.

Finally
, these benefits are more pronounced when students' minds
are exhausted
due to the fact that most of the time they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their minds to solve complex mathematical and science issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these entertainments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
outside the box and refresh their minds. This would in all likelihood lead to be a success in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as math, science, and even learn a new language.

To sum up, there is no doubt doing art activities at the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can flourish intrinsic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
of pupils at the early ages which can be a turning point in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
with discovering these abilities they can cultivate it
correctly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from eliminates these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
.

IELTS essay Some say that music, art, and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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