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some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working home outweight the disadvantage?

some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working home outweight the disadvantage? y82M
The issue of employees and their place of business is subject of discussion that often divides opinion. A percentage of people believes that it is better to work at home instead of moving every day to go to the business or office; On the other hand, there is a percentage of whom believes the contrary. Personally, I think that pro are equal to con. To start with, not taking public or private transports would reduce the air pollution and the air would be healthier; besides the fact that a significant amount of money and time would be saved. For example, there are so many commutes that every days are obliged to travel to their workplace and consequently, every single of them pay a share of money for gasoline, pullman or trains. Furthermore, many of them have to travel for some hours and for instance, this could be time spent with families. On the other hand, it’s also true that, that amount of money would be spent differently at home. It’s to say that staying at home we consume more electricity and the bill would be higher. For example if we work with the computer, we would not only have a higher electric bill, but it’s necessary to have also a great internet connection, which means to invest on this matter. In addition, another serious problem that would be resolved with smart working is that of traffic. In fact, in cities the streets often are clogged and this could cause troubles related to emergencies and how fast could first aid teams come in crash site. Another factor to consider is that sometimes could happen that working at home, private and work life could overlap, and as a result, the work would not be 100% productive. On top of that, there are some jobs, which are not possible to do in smart working. For example, it’s the case of psychologist, teachers of kindergarten and other jobs where it’s necessary to have a contact with persons. To sum up working at home has its relevant advantages, but it also depend on the work done and on the environment at home that could lead to some disadvantage.
The issue of employees and their place of business is subject of discussion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
divides opinion. A percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home
instead
of moving every day to go to the business or office;
On the other hand
, there is a percentage of whom believes the contrary.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that pro are equal to con.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, not taking public or private transports would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the air pollution and the air would be healthier;
besides
the fact that a significant amount of money and time would
be saved
.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commutes that every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "day"?
days
are obliged
to travel to their workplace and
consequently
, every single of them pay a share of money for gasoline,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pullman
or trains.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hours and
for instance
, this could be time spent with families.

On the other hand
, it’s
also
true that, that amount of money would
be spent
differently
at home. It’s to say that staying at home we consume more electricity and the bill would be higher.
For example
if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the computer, we would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have a higher electric bill,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s necessary to have
also
a great internet connection, which means to invest on this matter.

In addition
, another serious problem that would
be resolved
with smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is that of traffic. In fact, in cities the streets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are clogged
and this could cause troubles related to emergencies and how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
could
first
aid teams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in crash site.

Another factor to consider is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could happen that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home, private and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life could overlap, and
as a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would not be 100% productive.
On top of that
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs, which are not possible to do in smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
.
For example
, it’s the case of psychologist, teachers of kindergarten and other jobs where it’s necessary to have a contact with persons.

To sum up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home has its relevant advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
Did you mean "depends"?
depend
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done and on the environment at home that could lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantage.
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IELTS essay some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working home outweight the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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