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Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. BAMj
Researchers reveal that compared to previous years, now people seem to live longer than they used to probably due to the fact that the life conditions have become much better. Some people claim that governments need to be increased the retirement age. This essay will argue why the age of retiring should be raised. There are a lot of people who have already retired still keep working or want to work. This is because they feel bored or useless when staying home or doing nothing. For example, most retirees prefer to continue working so more and more companies are offering jobs which are very easy to do for old people. Hence, staying at work for longer time may result positively both for them and society. Raising retirement age is a potential solution to reduce ageing population which is a serious problem of many countries. This notion can be illustrated with the fact that the old people rate of Japan is over 28 percent of their population which is the highest rate in the world so Japan government have to increase their retired age up to 70 years old. Thus, people can still capable of working at 70 years old. In conclusion, this essay argued that it is necessary to increase the age at which people leave from work and get rest. In my opinion, we could not live a long time without working or contributing to society.
Researchers reveal that compared to previous years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
probably
due to the fact that the life conditions have become much better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
need to
be increased
the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This essay will argue why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retiring should
be raised
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have already retired
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or want to work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel bored or useless when staying home or doing nothing.
For example
, most retirees prefer to continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are offering jobs which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to do for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, staying at work for longer time may result
positively
both for them and society.

Raising retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is a potential solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population which is a serious problem of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. This notion can
be illustrated
with the fact that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rate of Japan is over 28 percent of their population which is the highest rate in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
increase their retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
up to 70 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
capable of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at 70 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

In conclusion
, this essay argued that it is necessary to increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
at which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rest. In my opinion, we could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a long time without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or contributing to society.
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IELTS essay Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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