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Some say music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some say music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. xW3o
Some people argue that the importance of music, art and drama is the same as other subjects, and need to pay attention especially in the elementary schools and I personally agree with this view due to personality, job, and culture. To begin with, the human personality has multiple aspects like emotional and intellectual that needs to grow. A normal personality depends on psychological and physical development which this growth has started birthday to death. Learning science, for example, Mathematics, Chemistry, or Physics helps to grow mental intellectual part while emotional development depends on not only music training but also art and drama. It is proved there is a direct relationship between the rate of educational investment in subjects like art and the rate of an individual’s mental and physical health. The job market needs multiple professional skill workers. People who live in the society need not only technology, food and healthcare but also enjoyment, and music, art and drama have capacity to gather people and create happiness. Today, many individuals with different skills work in the fields of music such as musician, orchestra leader or art and drama like museum guide and leader, writer, publisher, and it is predicted this trend continues. Our culture has been supported by music, art and drama. Culture as an important nation concept has various aspects such as literature, history, religion which not only shows nationality but also is a great reference for researchers. Music, art and drama help to keep and develop culture by creating and publishing books, movies and music. To sum up, music, art and drama have an important responsibility in personality growth, culture and job market that needs to pay attention as the same as other school subjects.
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Some
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people
argue that the importance of
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music
,
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art
and
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drama
is the same as other subjects, and
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need
to pay attention
especially
in the elementary schools and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view due to
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personality
, job, and culture.

To
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begin
with, the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
has multiple aspects like emotional and intellectual that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to grow. A normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
depends on psychological and physical development which this growth has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
birthday to death. Learning science,
for example
, Mathematics, Chemistry, or Physics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to grow mental intellectual part while emotional development depends on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
. It
is proved
there is a direct relationship between the rate of educational investment in subjects like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and the rate of an individual’s mental and physical health.

The job market
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needs
multiple professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
workers.
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People
who
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live
in the society
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need
not
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only
technology, food and healthcare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoyment, and
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music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
have capacity to gather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and create happiness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
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many
individuals with
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different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
work in the fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
such as musician, orchestra leader or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
like museum guide and leader, writer, publisher, and it
is predicted
this trend continues.

Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has
been supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nation concept has various aspects such as literature, history, religion which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
nationality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is a great reference for researchers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
by creating and publishing books, movies and music.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drama
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
growth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and job market that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to pay attention as the same as other school subjects.
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IELTS essay Some say music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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