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Some reports have discovered the incidence of violence /crimes committed by young women is increasing. Give possible reasons and recommendations to the situation.

Some reports have discovered the incidence of violence /crimes committed by young women is increasing. Give possible reasons and recommendations to the situation. XlJyr
It is widely believed that a youth crime rate of women is growing incidentally. There are some main keys to justify this issue and a number of measures which should be taken to deal with this upward trend. Male chauvinism and the lack of education should be responsible for the increase in violence of young female. In fact, in some developing countries still have thought that the role of husbands and wife are considered as breadwinners and housewives, which leads to a dependence in terms of finance. As a result, women, when their demand was not qualified, would be likely to commit theft or robbery to satisfy. Moreover, it is unfair between two genders that causes female do not have opportunity to go to school. In other words, their social knowledge is so limited that they could not determine whether the behavior is legal or not. Due to possible motives above, there are two effective resolution to the problem of committing crimes by women. Indeed, both male and female should have same position in society. This means that women must be encouraged to study or work whatever they are interested in instead of staying at home to serve their family. The independent life and satisfactory demand help them to increase living condition. Furthermore, government might concentrate on educating citizens about dire consequences could be happened if they violated laws and harmed others. Inconclusion, eliminating male chauvinism and raising awareness of people about negative aspects of committing crimes are ideal ways to tackle this issue. Only by doing so, the criminal rate of young women would soon decline.
It is
widely
believed that a youth crime rate of
women
is growing
incidentally
. There are
some
main keys to justify this issue and a number of measures which should
be taken
to deal with this upward trend.

Male chauvinism and the lack of education should be responsible for the increase in violence of young female. In fact, in
some
developing countries
still
have
thought
that the role of husbands and wife
are considered
as breadwinners and housewives, which leads to a dependence in terms of finance.
As a result
,
women
, when their demand was not qualified, would be likely to commit theft or robbery to satisfy.
Moreover
, it is unfair between two genders that causes female do not have opportunity to go to school.
In other words
, their social knowledge is
so
limited that they could not determine whether the behavior is legal or not.

Due to possible motives above, there are two effective resolution to the problem of committing crimes by
women
.
Indeed
, both male and female should have same position in society. This means that
women
must
be encouraged
to study or work whatever they
are interested
in
instead
of staying at home to serve their family. The independent life and satisfactory demand
help
them to increase living condition.
Furthermore
,
government
might concentrate on educating citizens about dire consequences could
be happened
if they violated laws and harmed others.

Inconclusion
, eliminating male chauvinism and raising awareness of
people
about
negative
aspects of committing crimes are ideal ways to tackle this issue.
Only
by doing
so
, the criminal rate of young
women
would
soon
decline.
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IELTS essay Some reports have discovered the incidence of violence /crimes committed by young women is increasing. Give possible reasons and recommendations to the situation.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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