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some reasons lead to overweight and malnutrition

some reasons lead to overweight and malnutrition N3M3m
Overweight I will talk about some reasons that make us overweight. First of all, we consume too much junk food and sweets such as fried chicken, hamburgers or something which are made by chemicals like fish balls, shrimp balls or milk tea. Nowadays, due to the development of food and drinks stores as well as teenager necessaries, the average number of obese people increases quickly. Second, lack of exercise is also a cause of fat accumulation. Almost all teenagers don't like to do exercises because they could study hard and spend their free time on entertainment. They use a lot of weight loss functional medicine instead of doing exercises because it helps us lose weight very fast and easier. However, they underestimate the harmful effects of taking drugs and they rely too much on them. In the past, I used to be overweight due to eating too many sweets. I'm addicted to eating and I must eat a lot to lose weight, but I totally don't do exercise because of laziness, so I gained weight uncontrollably. It's very hard and makes me bored. However, I am always scared of body shaming, so I decided to force myself to change the negative thoughts of everybody. Malnutrition Malnutrition is a common condition in some people in society. It comes from a lot of reasons, but I will give you some main reasons that lead to this. First, digestive disorders when they eat anything. This is a disease that makes people poorly absorb foods, or lose their appetite and can't eat much. This leads to a lack of energy and nutrients for the body to function properly. Second, due to low economic conditions, some poor countries such as Central Africa, Nigeria, perhaps face poverty and lack of food every year, so most of the people were malnourished and suffered from severe food poisoning.
Overweight

I will talk about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us overweight.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we consume too much junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sweets such as fried chicken, hamburgers or something which
are made
by chemicals like fish balls, shrimp balls or milk tea. Nowadays, due to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drinks stores
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
necessaries, the average number of obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increases
quickly
. Second, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
also
a cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
accumulation. Almost all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
don't like to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and spend their free time on entertainment. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
loss functional medicine
instead
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and easier.
However
, they underestimate the harmful effects of taking
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
drugs and
they rely too much on them. In the past, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be overweight due to eating too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sweets. I'm addicted to eating and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
eat a lot to lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
totally
don't do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of laziness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
uncontrollably
. It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me bored.
However
, I am always scared of body shaming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I decided to force myself to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts of everybody.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
Malnutrition Malnutrition
is a common condition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will give you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main reasons that lead to this.
First
, digestive disorders when they eat anything. This is a disease that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
poorly
absorb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, or lose their appetite and can't eat much. This leads to a lack of energy and nutrients for the body to function
properly
. Second, due to low economic conditions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor countries such as Central Africa, Nigeria, perhaps face poverty and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
every year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were malnourished
and suffered from severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning.
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IELTS essay some reasons lead to overweight and malnutrition

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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