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some poeple believe that citizens should keep their cultural identity, whereas others say it is better for people to integrate new cultures. Discuss both view and give your opinion

some poeple believe that citizens should keep their cultural identity, whereas others say it is better for people to integrate new cultures. Discuss both view and give your opinion XEWPE
Nowadays, it is critical for people to retain their cultural identities. Whilst others feel that integrating new cultures has a greater positive impact on their lives. This essay will discuss both points of view and agree that knowing other civilizations has more benefits. It is clear that cultural identity gives them a connection to the past that can help form the structure and foundation of their families and society. Moreover, knowing their traditions and languages can tell more about themselves, which is an important step to shape a person’s identity. It is therefore agreed that historic preservation can support the local economic development. For instance, a research conducted by The Language Doctors has shown that “every $1 million spent on rehabilitation generates 14. 6 jobs”. As a result, maintaining cultural specificity is not only affirming their values but also promoting the economic development of a territory. In contrast, many disagree and feel that they have more eye-opening experiences by incorporating the cultures of different countries. Studying and understanding other cultures allow them to have an opportunity to gain new resources from various perspectives and expand their horizons. As an example, learning a new language is one of the essential parts to interact with people who don’t have the same cultural background as them. Particularly, it is an effective way to approach and make a deep connection with new traditions and customs. Additionally, this concept of integration increases cultural sensitivity which can reduce cultural conflict and even build meaningful relationships. In conclusion, while every individual is responsible for cultural preservation, some still feel that new cultures should be incorporated. However, as long as we are careful to keep in mind the importance of each tendency, the benefits of cultural integration are clearly positive.
Nowadays, it is critical for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identities. Whilst others feel that integrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
has a greater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This essay will discuss both points of view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that knowing other civilizations has more benefits.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity gives them a connection to the past that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
form the structure and foundation of their families and society.
Moreover
, knowing their traditions and languages can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
more about themselves, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
step to shape a person’s identity. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that historic preservation can support the local economic development.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by The Language Doctors has shown that “every $1 million spent on rehabilitation generates 14. 6 jobs”.
As a result
, maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
specificity is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affirming their values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
promoting the economic development of a territory.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree and feel that they have more eye-opening experiences by incorporating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries. Studying and understanding other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to have an opportunity to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
resources from various perspectives and expand their horizons. As an example, learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
language is one of the essential parts to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who don’t have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
background as them.
Particularly
, it is an effective way to approach and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a deep connection with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
traditions and customs.
Additionally
, this concept of integration increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
sensitivity which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
conflict and even build meaningful relationships.

In conclusion
, while every individual is responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
preservation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
should
be incorporated
.
However
, as long as we are careful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind the importance of each tendency, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
integration are
clearly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
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IELTS essay some poeple believe that citizens should keep their cultural identity, whereas others say it is better for people to integrate new cultures. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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