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Some peopre think goyernrnenls should focus on reducing environmentol pollution ond housing problems lo help peopre preyenl illness ond diseose.To whol exlenf do you ogree or disogree?

Some peopre think goyernrnenls should focus on reducing environmentol pollution ond housing problems lo help peopre preyenl illness ond diseose. To whol exlenf do you ogree or disogree? okMn9
It is indubitable that people's health is influenced by the environment and housing conditions. That is why some people are of the opinion that governments should focus more on the environment and housing to avoid illness and disease. l, however, disagree with this notion. I believe that even though government should address environmental pollution and housing scarcity, there are many other things on which Sovernment must spend equally to prevent ill health. lndeed, the environmental problems and housing conditions are two main sources for illness and diseases. For instance, in many parts of my country, lndia, people live in slums and do not have access to clean air and potable water because of air and water pollution. ln these areas people suffer from diseases such as dengue, malaria, diarrhea and so on. So, if the government looks into environmental pollution and provides basic housing, such problems could be avoided. However, simply focusing on the environment and housing would not prevent all diseases. Government also has to allocate budget for other preventable diseases such as polio and TB, whooping cough, measles, mumps and so on, which need immunization. All over the world all governments are spending on pulse polio vaccine to eradicate polio from the world. Then, there are diseases such as cancers, which can be prevented by screening tests. Government should spend on tests like PAP smear and mammography, through which cancer of the cervix and breast can be diagnosed much before the actual symptoms appear. ln such stages, these cancers are totally curable with very inexpensive treatment. Another important area, which needs government action, is the awareness of people. Mass awareness campaigns are needed along with looking into the housing so that people can take steps to prevent themselves. For example, even if the government provides housing to all, but the people keep stagnant water in coolers and other areas, dengue can spread like an epidemic and all government efforts will go in vain. ln conclusion, I reiterate that simply giving priority to environmental pollution and housing will not prevent all disease. Government should allocate funds to other things such as screening tests and awareness of the people also to prevent disease.
It is indubitable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health
is influenced
by the environment and housing conditions.
That is
why

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should focus more on the environment and housing to

avoid illness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
l
,
however
, disagree with this notion. I believe that
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government


should address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and housing scarcity, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things on which

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sovernment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend
equally
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
ill health.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lndeed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems and housing conditions are two main sources for illness and diseases.

For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of my country,
Possible spelling mistake found.
lndia
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in slums and do not have access to clean air

and potable water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of air and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
these areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as

dengue, malaria, diarrhea and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
looks into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and provides

basic housing, such problems could
be avoided
.

However
,
simply
focusing on the environment and housing would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government


also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
allocate budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
preventable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as polio and TB, whooping cough, measles,

mumps and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which need immunization. All over the world all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are spending on pulse

polio vaccine to eradicate polio from the world. Then, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as cancers, which can be

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by screening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should spend on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
like PAP smear and mammography,

through which cancer of the cervix and breast can
be diagnosed
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the actual symptoms appear.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
such stages, these cancers are
totally
curable with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
inexpensive treatment.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
area, which needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
action, is the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Mass awareness

campaigns
are needed
along with looking into the housing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent


themselves.
For example
, even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
provides housing to all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
stagnant

water in coolers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas, dengue can spread like an epidemic and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
efforts will go in

vain.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
ln
conclusion, I reiterate that
simply
giving priority to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and housing will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent


all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should allocate funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things such as screening
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and awareness of the

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
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IELTS essay Some peopre think goyernrnenls should focus on reducing environmentol pollution ond housing problems lo help peopre preyenl illness ond diseose. To whol exlenf do you ogree or disogree?

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
363 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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