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some peoplethink that having aset retirement age (e.g.65 years ) for everybody , regardless of occupation, is unfair . they believe that certain workers deserve toretire and receive a pension at an earlier age. do you agree or disagree ? which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement ? give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example's from your own knowledge orexperience.

some peoplethink that having aset retirement age (e. g. 65 years ) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. they believe that certain workers deserve toretire and receive a pension at an earlier age. which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement? DjNj
Doing job and earning money is the regular way of life in our society. People of the whole world is following this way to live a healthy and happy life. Now the old people who are at age of over 65 should do the same service as adult in life or no, here in this essay I will try to explain. 1st of all, old people are very sensitive in mind and also in work. If they do not work and stay at home without doing work then they can take proper rest. Because due to increase of age, the physical ability will be reduce as well as mental. By staying at home aged people can do prayer also can take proper to themselves. As they are getting a minimum pension from the government by which they can expanse the money for themselves. And 2ndly if the old people stay at home after a certain time, then they can take care of the grand child as well. Whose parents are doing work outside. This will be great beneficial side for the working lady who cannot give time to the child due to their work. By this old people also will be busy to spend the whole day, also grand childs can get the care of grand parents. On the contrary, if the old people do not do the job, then the whole nation will have burden to carry out the cost of these people. As the government have to ensure the monetary cost of these over aged people's regular need, there have to keep a standard amount of money from the national asset. So it hink, thinking betterment of nation, old people should do such job which can be bare able for themselves. 2ndly and most importantly, if the old people do not work and stay home, they will be crazy because of doing nothing. It can happen mostly in such families which families other members are busy in their respective works. Remaining all day alone in home, they become very frustrated in small-small negotiations. So for such cases, better to do job. Finally I can say, old people should do job according to their working and physical abilities instead of remain idle in home. This will be better for themselves as well as for the economy of the nation as well. But the people who are physically disable to do any types of hard work, they should remain office in eye sight of other family members. For example - the people who are unable to see properly, have cardiological problems should not do any occupation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and earning money is the regular way of life in our society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of the whole world is following this way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy and happy life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are at age of over 65 should do the same service as adult in life or no, here in this essay I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
. 1st of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitive in mind and
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. If they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and stay at home without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then they can take proper rest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
due to increase of age, the physical ability will be
Consider using the past participle "reduced"?
reduce
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as mental. By staying at home aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do prayer
also
can take proper to themselves. As they are getting a minimum pension from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by which they
The word 'expanse' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
can expanse
the money for themselves. And
2ndly
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay at home after a certain time, then they can take care of the grand child as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
“Whose” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whose
parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
outside. This will be great beneficial side for the working lady
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot give time to the child due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. By this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
will be busy to spend the whole day,
also
grand
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the care of grand parents.
On the contrary
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, then the whole nation will have burden to carry out the cost of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ensure the monetary cost of these over aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's regular need, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a standard amount of money from the national asset.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
hink
, thinking betterment of nation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which can be bare able for themselves.
2ndly
and most
importantly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and stay home, they will be crazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
nothing. It can happen
mostly
in such families which families other members are busy in their respective works. Remaining all day alone in home, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
negotiations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for such cases, better to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
I can say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
according to their working and physical abilities
instead
of remain idle in home. This will be better for themselves as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as for the economy of the nation as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
physically
Consider using a past participle here: "disabled".
disable
to do any types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they should remain office in
This word is usually spelt together: "eyesight".
eye sight
of other family members.
For example
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
properly
, have
Possible spelling mistake found.
cardiological
problems should not do any occupation.
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IELTS essay some peoplethink that having aset retirement age (e. g. 65 years ) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. they believe that certain workers deserve toretire and receive a pension at an earlier age. which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
436 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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