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Some people working six months of annually and rest of time they do what ever they like. Do you think its advantages overweight disadvantages

Some people working six months of annually and rest of time they do what ever they like. Do you think its advantages overweight disadvantages 7a3bY
Private sector are becoming play a major role to provide employment, even employers can join unregular schedule of working such as half of the year. While these kinds of jobs having less burden to employees yet, I will explain why i feel it is ultimately not for the best Inspite, idea seems to be modern as a unregulated employment opportunity can offer a number of advantages to employees The main one is in terms of stressfree life. These services employees can enjoy social life with his family and children which will lead to improve mental health of a person For instance, Navy service allows to workers six month work and rest of 6 months, individual can enjoy whatever he likes to do. However these kinds of jobs are less as compared to regular jobs Despite these positive effects, In my views, the downside of this liberal pattern of job outweighs. While the situation may be mentally beneficial for the employees, it can have opposite impact on workers, particularly those who have large family or only one person as a source of income. Rising prices or inflation in consumer sector demands strong financial conditions, which can be only possible to involve in regular employment suchlike Banking, Doctors and etc. In one survey from London university data showed 80% of people preferred regular jobs to raising their standard of living and only 20% remained work in unregular jobs sector. In other words, although working six months in a year maybe convenient for the individual, it maybe burdensome for employees during bad financial conditions even psychological In conclusion, as liberal pattern of job help in order to balance social life or personal life of emo. Even though this may enable to employees stressfree life, the situation tends to have more complicated than benefits especially for single income holders in a family.
Private sector are becoming play a major role to provide employment, even employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake found.
unregular
schedule of working such as half of the year. While these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
having less burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
yet
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
feel it is
ultimately
not for the best
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspite
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
seems to be modern as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unregulated employment opportunity can offer a number of advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
The main one is in terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can enjoy social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with his family and children which will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
mental health of a person
For instance
, Navy service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to workers six month work and rest of 6 months, individual can enjoy whatever he likes to do.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, In my views, the downside of this liberal pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
outweighs. While the situation may be mentally beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, it can have opposite impact on workers,
particularly
those who have large family or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one person as a source of income. Rising prices or inflation in consumer sector demands strong financial conditions, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible to involve in regular employment suchlike Banking, Doctors
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. In one survey from London university data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
80% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to raising their standard of living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% remained work in
Possible spelling mistake found.
unregular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
sector.
In other words
, although working six months in a year maybe convenient for the individual,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
The word "maybe" is and adverb. Either a verb is missing or you meant "may be".
maybe
burdensome for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
financial conditions even psychological
In conclusion
, as liberal pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in order to balance social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
or personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of emo.
Even though
this may enable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressfree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the situation tends to have more complicated than benefits
especially
for single income holders in a family.
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IELTS essay Some people working six months of annually and rest of time they do what ever they like. Do you think its advantages overweight disadvantages

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
308 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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