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Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v.17

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v. 17
Working people spend half their life in the company while doing a job. Certain individuals think that working for the same company for whole their life will benefits more than while working with different company. In my opinion, working with different company, individuals gain more benefits, such as competent skills with current rapidly changing market and high wages. There are some persons who choose to work whole their life in the same company. According to my view, working with same company gives more job stability. However, most of the time that individual will do same job for many years and will not learn new skills, which will require in today’s competitive world. For instance, my uncle Jim, 55 years old, who is Senior Software engineer, has been working for same organization for last 20 years. He is doing same tasks everyday and because of that he is not up to date with current technology in the market. I believe that person has to up to date with current skills in this world. Some people like to change their job in 1 or 2 years after working with same company. When individuals change their job, they will be up to date with current technology trend. In addition, jumping to other company, they will get more salary hike than the getting promotion with the same company. For example, my cousin Peter who is also Software engineer is earning more salary than my uncle Jim. Furthermore, he is also learned new technologies while working with different projects in different companies. In conclusion, working with same company gives more job stability but working with different company give more knowledge to current technology trend which is I believe, required in today’s competitive world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend half their life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
while doing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for whole their life will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "benefit"
benefits
more than while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
gain more benefits, such as competent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
rapidly
changing market and high wages.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
persons who choose to work whole their life in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. According to my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability.
However
, most of the time that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
will do same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and will not learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which will require in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world.
For instance
, my uncle Jim, 55 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, who is Senior Software engineer, has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for same organization for last 20 years. He is doing same tasks
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that he is not up to date with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the market. I believe that person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
up to date with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in this world.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in 1 or 2 years after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will be up to date with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
trend.
In addition
, jumping to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more salary hike than the getting promotion with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
For example
, my cousin Peter who is
also
Software engineer is earning more salary than my uncle Jim.
Furthermore
, he is
also
learned new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
projects in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
give more knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
trend which is I believe, required in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s competitive world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss the both views and give your own opinion. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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