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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. BRDa
It is often argued that criminal offenders who have been released from prison are rehabilitated, and they are good models to warn teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. While I partially agree that ex-criminals can talk to young about the dangers of crime, I believe that there are other alternatives to solve the problem. Firstly, the reason why released inmates are good examples for teenagers to talk about is that they can deter them from the circumstances of the crime. Young adults may become aware of the consequences of engaging in criminal activities during their conversations. In other words, telling offenders' life in prison, harsh punishments, and working through community services can attract the attention of younger. As a result, the talk tends to be more effective to demotivate them to do a crime. However, other alternatives such as teachers can contribute to crime prevention as well. This is because teachers at schools play an vital role in raising the awareness of students about crime. Moral lessons should not be neglected in the classroom as they influence students, and a positive education environment should be promoted to combat with circumstances of the crime. Therefore, it is not only a duty of the reformed offender to warn about the dangers of crime, but also school teachers should take this approach seriously. In conclusion, I support the view that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help teens stay away from engaging in a crime, but I believe that the idea that using educators warning the younger generation about the crime is more constructive.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that criminal offenders who have
been released
from prison
are rehabilitated
, and they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
models to warn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of committing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. While I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that ex-criminals can talk to young about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, I believe that there are other alternatives to solve the problem.

Firstly
, the reason why released inmates are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to talk about is that they can deter them from the circumstances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Young adults may become aware of the consequences of engaging in criminal activities during their conversations.
In other words
, telling offenders' life in prison, harsh punishments, and working through community services can attract the attention of younger.
As a result
, the talk tends to be more effective to demotivate them to do a crime.

However
, other alternatives such as teachers can contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
prevention
as well
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teachers at schools play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
vital role in raising the awareness of students about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Moral lessons should not
be neglected
in the classroom as they influence students, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
education environment should
be promoted
to combat with circumstances of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Therefore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a duty of the reformed offender to warn about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
school teachers should take this approach
seriously
.

In conclusion
, I support the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have turned their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
around after serving a prison sentence could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
teens stay away from engaging in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that using educators warning the younger generation about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is more constructive.
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IELTS essay Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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