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Some people believe that educational qualifications always bring success, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that educational qualifications always bring success, while others disagree. 2wEx
A number of people argue that academic is essential to achieve success in life whereas others argue that education is not mandatory for success. Let's discuss both viewpoints prior to my opinion. On the one hand, Education has been playing a major role and act as a foundation of achievements in all people's life. Additionally, graduates have well educated and trained to do their work appropriately. Consequently, numerous job vacancies are available for the candidates who were completed their degree with high scores and can also overseas to other foreign countries. Secondly, professionals have the self-confidence and self-esteem to face challenges, make correct decisions and succeed in their life. Lastly, Seniors can earn a high salary according to their educational level and also gain other benefits like medical insurance, child-free education, and a spouse's work permit in foreign countries. For instance, Currently, the NHS trust offers a lot of job vacancies for nurses with high income and other exclusive benefits including accommodation and free flight tickets for the candidates. On the other hand, A number of illiterate people are also doing their own small businesses like textiles shops, agriculture work, and junior employees. Although illiterate can work and earn money, income may be lesser than the educated people. Apart from this, education is not only mandatory for the growth and development of people but also for the development of the country. For current and future generation people, education will be a tool to achieve success in their life. In my opinion, Education is mandatory for all people to achieve success in their life within a short period. Subsequently, all the people should come forward to educate their children to achieve success in their life as soon as possible.
A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that academic is essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whereas others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's discuss both viewpoints prior to my opinion. On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
has been playing a major role and act as a foundation of achievements in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Additionally
, graduates have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
and trained to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
appropriately
.
Consequently
, numerous job vacancies are available for the candidates who
were completed
their degree with high scores and can
also
overseas to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foreign countries.
Secondly
, professionals have the self-confidence and self-esteem to face challenges,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
correct decisions and succeed in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Lastly
, Seniors can earn a high salary according to their educational level and
also
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits like medical insurance, child-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, and a spouse's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
permit in foreign countries.
For instance
,
Currently
, the NHS trust offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
job vacancies for nurses with high income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
exclusive benefits including accommodation and free flight tickets for the candidates. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, A number of illiterate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
doing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses like textiles shops, agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and junior employees. Although illiterate can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and earn money, income may be lesser than the educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
mandatory for the growth and development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the development of the country. For
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
and future generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be a tool to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is mandatory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
within a short period.
Subsequently
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to educate their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that educational qualifications always bring success, while others disagree.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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