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Some people travel in other countries. You would like to travel in your own countrywhereyou

Some people travel in other countries. You would like to travel in your own countrywhereyou rYQbm
Some people like to travel outside their country. Others would rather travel to tourist spots in their own country first, before travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice. In the modern age, travel becomes more prevailing both domestically and internationally. Some people pursue having a holiday overseas. However, another group of people strongly opposed to this and tend to book tickets for indigenous trips. Personally, I suppose that domestic travel should initially take precedence over foreign travel. First of all, a mounting number of people find it difficult to have a vacation abroad when they are in emergency situations. Therefore, taking a trip in motherland helps them be able to deal with problems easily because the don't need to face to the language barrier and geography or even waste a lot of time, money to tackle circumstances. For example, if people are lost, especially they are not familiar with territory in there, they can't probably know what they have to do or how to get a help from the natives. Seriously, there are many people suffering from culture shock on account of the cultural difference. In addition, people’s knowledge of their own countries and culture is still in low level. This is largely because foreign brands, television shows and cultural objects flooding local markets. For example, The Asian Cultural Society found that Japanese teenagers knew more about the American television series than 19th Century Japanese woodcuts. It should therefore be clear that citizens need to know much more about their own culture and traditions before others. Finally, local tourism would greatly help to boost our own economy since tourists generally pump enormous amount of money into the local economy they visit. Hence, it is obviously a better option to uplift our own economy first. From those above points, it can be concluded that both local and international excursions have.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
outside their country. Others would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to tourist spots in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
first
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
travelling abroad. Which do you prefer to do and why? Include specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and examples to support your choice.

In the modern age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
becomes more prevailing both
domestically
and
internationally
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pursue having a holiday overseas.
However
, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strongly
opposed to this and tend to book tickets for indigenous trips.
Personally
, I suppose that domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
should
initially
take precedence over foreign travel.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a mounting number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it difficult to have a vacation abroad when they are in emergency situations.
Therefore
, taking
The usual preposition for "a trip" with a named destination is "to". Did you mean "a trip to"?
a trip in
motherland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be able to deal with problems
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "they" or "that"?
the
don't need to face to the language barrier and geography or even waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time, money to tackle circumstances.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lost
,
especially
they are not familiar with territory in there, they can't
probably
know what they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do or how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the natives.
Seriously
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from culture shock on account of the cultural difference.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
knowledge of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countries and culture is
still
in low level. This is
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
foreign brands, television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and cultural objects flooding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
markets.
For example
, The Asian Cultural Society found that Japanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
knew more about the American television series than 19th Century Japanese woodcuts. It should
therefore
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that citizens need to know much more about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
culture and traditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
others.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
tourism would
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to boost our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economy since tourists
generally
pump enormous amount of money into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economy they visit.
Hence
, it is
obviously
a better option to uplift our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
economy
first
.

From those above points, it can
be concluded
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and international excursions have.
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IELTS essay Some people travel in other countries. You would like to travel in your own countrywhereyou

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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