Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.6

Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. v. 6
It is said that overpopulation is one of the main problems in the world, but other people say that is necessary to have an increase to grow the economy. In this essay I will discuss each side and give my opinion of why is important to pay attention of an unsustainable population increase. First of all, every country needs to have people to make their economy grows, but when this population exceeds the limits, there are more problems than benefits. Therefore, security problem will increase as well as health problems, because the government won't have the capacity to give to each citizen what they need. For instance, let's imagine that a country has a zero unemployment rate, as soon as new people come to this country they will be unemployed, thus, they will have to rob to survive. On the other hand, if population increase is controlled we won't have overpopulation and economy will grow in a natural way and it will be a balance over the world. In other words, when we have a normal population, natural resources won't be over exploited and nature will be more balanced. Furthermore, life quality will be better due to this balance between nature and civilization, also we could live in a different ways far from this rush we live every moment. For example, big industries will reduce their operations because less people need their products, hence, they will reduce the consumption of war materials and the over exploitation of natural resources. To conclude, a big increase of the world's population could cause a big damage, not only to the society, but also to the planet. Governments need to take care of this and take aside the economic race to protect the planet from an early extinction because over exploitation.
It
is said
that overpopulation is one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say
that is
necessary to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
to grow the economy. In this essay I will discuss each side and give my opinion of why is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to pay attention of an unsustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
increase.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their economy grows,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
exceeds the limits, there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
than benefits.
Therefore
, security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
as well
as health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
won't have the capacity to give to each citizen what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's imagine that a country has a zero unemployment rate, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to this country they will
be unemployed
,
thus
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rob to survive.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
is controlled
we won't have overpopulation and economy will grow
Consider replacing "in a natural way" with the adverb for "natural"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a natural way
and it will be a balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the world.
In other words
, when we have a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, natural resources won't be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
exploited and nature will be more balanced.
Furthermore
, life quality will be better due to this balance between nature and civilization,
also
we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "way"?
ways
far from this rush we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
every moment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
industries will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their operations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
their products,
hence
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of war materials and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
exploitation of natural resources.

To conclude
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
of the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
could cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
damage, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the planet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take care of this and take aside the economic race to protect the planet from an early extinction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
exploitation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts