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Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.14

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 14
Few people believe that the youth should be asked to perform the social service during their idle time, as it would be beneficial to them and to the local group. In my opinion, I completely agree because the young generation would understand the importance of the responsibility in their life and would also gain experience before starting their professional career. Firstly, the teenager would acknowledge their contribution to the humanity by indulging in the daily job during their spare time. This platform would enhance their social skills and also they would be more mature to take a decision at their homes and towards the society, as they would be faced with the multiple real-life challenges in the future. Therefore, they would not be shocked when difficult circumstances arise in their life. Furthermore, the community gets the advantage of working with the manpower, which does not cost to them. For example, In India, it is a mandatory exercise given by the schools to the students that they should spend one month with a local NGO in their region, which would aid in enhancing their personality. Secondly, Youngster would experience the working style in different local bodies, and this would assist in grasping the corporate culture, which would further prepare them to assignment efficiently after their tertiary education. Additionally, they can learn to act professionally when working in any organization. For instance, a recent study proves that the trainee who comes for a short term training program gains significant knowledge about the style of working in company and it has helped them to duty with the higher productivity whenever they start working for any firm. In conclusion, social responsibility enhances maturity in the teenager and they imbibe the quality of being professional while working during their free time. While society gets benefited by working with the youth, who are energetic and it also do not impact them financially. Given the situation, I strongly believe that the youth should be involved to project with the NGO during their summer breaks, which is mutually beneficially to both the parties.
Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the youth should
be asked
to perform the social service during their idle time, as it would be beneficial to them and to the local group. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the young generation would understand the importance of the responsibility in their life and would
also
gain experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting their professional career.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
would acknowledge their contribution to the humanity by indulging in the daily job during their spare time. This platform would enhance their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
they would be more mature to take a decision at their homes and towards the society, as they would
be faced
with the multiple real-life challenges in the future.
Therefore
, they would not
be shocked
when difficult circumstances arise in their life.
Furthermore
, the community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the manpower, which does not cost to them.
For example
, In India, it is a mandatory exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the schools to the students that they should spend one month with a local NGO in their region, which would aid in enhancing their personality.

Secondly
, Youngster would experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
style in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
local bodies, and this would assist in grasping the corporate culture, which would
further
prepare them to assignment
efficiently
after their tertiary education.
Additionally
, they can learn to act
professionally
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in any organization.
For instance
, a recent study proves that the trainee who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
for a short term training program gains significant knowledge about the style of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to duty with the higher productivity whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for any firm.

In conclusion
, social responsibility enhances maturity in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
teenager and
they imbibe the quality of being professional while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
during their free time. While society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
benefited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with the youth, who are energetic and it
also
Did you mean "does"?
do
not impact them
financially
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the situation, I
strongly
believe that the youth should
be involved
to project with the NGO during their summer breaks, which is
mutually
beneficially
to both the parties.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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