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Some people thnk that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What factors contribute towards happiness?

Some people thnk that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What factors contribute towards happiness? JookB
There are some who argues that money is one of the primary keys to promoting happiness. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement because I believe that happiness that comes from a material object such as money is only temporary and there are many factors that contribute to happiness. Firstly, happiness is a decision, there are people who are happy and contented with what they have. In other words, they think that the world does not revolve around money or earthly objects. Even if they are not rich they find happiness in other sources. There is nothing that can compare with the euphoria that is felt when a person has a loving family. To elaborate, having a functioning support system makes a person feel love and happiness. For instance, there are families who are situated in huge manors; however, they do not feel the presence of their family because they barely see each other and despite their enormous wealth they still feel lonely and sad. Meanwhile, families who live in a single-floor house constantly interact with each other and share stories. This bond creates a positive vibe that promotes happiness. Secondly, there are plenty of factors that can make a person happy aside from wealth. The most common one is pursuing one's dream. In doing so life is given meaning. Instead of working all day for a stable but unsatisfying job, there are some who would rather head off to far-away places in pursuit of their dreams. Additionally, happiness can also be seen in helping others. Even if there is little to no reward some would rather do charitable works because it makes them happy. For example, there are volunteers who work without pay in areas that are heavily devastated by natural calamities. To conclude, happiness is a choice and there are other sources of happiness such as from your family, doing charitable deeds, and pursuing a life long dream. In contrast, there are wealthy individuals who still feel sad and lonely despite their wealth because they lack love.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argues that money is one of the primary keys to promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. In my opinion, I disagree with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from a material object such as money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
temporary and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that contribute to happiness.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a decision, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are happy and contented with what they have. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the world does not revolve around money or
earthly
objects.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
they are not rich they find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources. There is nothing that can compare with the euphoria that
is felt
when a person has a loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. To elaborate, having a functioning support system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For instance
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are situated
in huge manors;
however
, they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the presence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and despite their enormous wealth they
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
lonely and sad. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a single-floor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
constantly
interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and share stories. This bond creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
vibe that promotes happiness.

Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of factors that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person happy aside from wealth. The most common one is pursuing one's dream. In doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
life is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
meaning.
Instead
of working all day for a stable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unsatisfying job, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would
rather
head off to far-away places in pursuit of their dreams.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in helping others. Even if there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no reward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would
rather
do charitable works
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy.
For example
, there are volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work without pay in areas that are
heavily
devastated by natural calamities.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is a choice and there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
such as from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, doing charitable deeds, and pursuing a life long dream.
In contrast
, there are wealthy individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
sad and lonely despite their wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lack
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
.
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IELTS essay Some people thnk that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What factors contribute towards happiness?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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