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Some people think young people are more happy. Others believe old people are more happier despite responsibilities. Discuss both views?

Some people think young people are more happy. Others believe old people are more happier despite responsibilities. 56QxQ
The overwhelming impact of peace of mind is vital for all aspects and values of our lives; its integration is exceptionally evident by its impact on our productivity. In this frame of reference, people usually adhere segregated views about age group which is more happier than other. A sizeable amount of people contend that youngsters enjoy their life in extravagant way; meanwhile, others believe that grown up individuals are at more internal peace than teenagers. This essay tends to delineate both the views with explicit focus on core aspect of each side, but will maintain the level of happiness at young age to be more dominant over the older age. The fundamental efficacy of the standpoint that joy declines with age is that your life at early age is free of worldly worries. To further explicate, teenagers do what ever they like without worrying about time. Verily, youngsters often play video games and outdoor activities more than adults as they are always free of clock barrier. Admittedly, this is because of the fact that they do not have responsibilities on their shoulder which evidently make them free from stress and anxiety. The corroboration of having more peace of mind at later ages in life can be justified by the fact of having more earnings and freedom at that age. Although people at that age do have bank balance, they are always worried and depressed due to various crises in their lives. As a case in point, at elderly age people have to look after their family, deal with hectic work life problems, and on top of that with fierce competition among people of same age as there is a race who has higher assets. Consequently, individuals are always sorting out one problem, and the next day you fall in the anxiety of next hurdle. To conclude, although both stances have their own viability and merits, but the stance of being at inner peace as elderly person is limited, and entails few evidences. Therefore, I believe young generation enjoy the fruit of happiness more than their counterparts.
The overwhelming impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of mind is vital for all aspects and values of our

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
; its integration is
exceptionally
evident by its impact on our productivity. In this

frame of reference,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
adhere segregated views about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group which is

Use only "happier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more happier
than other. A sizeable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that youngsters enjoy

their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in extravagant way; meanwhile, others believe that grown up individuals are at

more internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This essay tends to delineate both the views with

explicit focus on core aspect of each side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will maintain the level of happiness at

young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to be more dominant over the older age.

The fundamental efficacy of the standpoint that joy declines with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at

early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is free of worldly worries. To
further
explicate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
do what ever they like

without worrying about time.
Verily
, youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play video games and outdoor

activities more than adults as they are always free of clock barrier.
Admittedly
, this is

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they do not have responsibilities on their shoulder which

evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them free from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety.

The corroboration of having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
of mind at later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
be justified
by

the fact of having more earnings and freedom at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at that age

do have bank balance, they are always worried and depressed due to various crises in

their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As a case in point, at elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after their family, deal

with hectic work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
problems, and
on top of that
with fierce competition among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


of same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as there is a race who has higher assets.
Consequently
, individuals are

always sorting out one problem, and the
next
day you fall in the anxiety of
next
hurdle.

To conclude
, although both stances have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
viability and merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the stance

of being at inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
as elderly person
is limited
, and entails few evidences.

Therefore
, I believe young generation enjoy the fruit of happiness more than their

counterparts.
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IELTS essay Some people think young people are more happy. Others believe old people are more happier despite responsibilities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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