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Do you think people can be happy without much money?

Do you think people can be happy without much money? BJnrd
Money is deeply considered by many people to be one of the most important contributing factors towards happiness. From my point of view, it is possible for people to be happy even if they have a limited amount of money and other aspects of life can play a more vital role in creating happiness. Although having money brings happiness to a lot of people, it does not necessarily follow that people without money are, therefore, unhappy. Take for example the comparison between developing and developed countries, most Westerners would agree that people in developing countries are happier, enjoy stronger family connections and take more pleasure in the simplicities of life to a greater extent than those in developed countries One way that people can gain happiness is through their work. For instance, a doctor doing volunteer work in underdeveloped countries may have very little money but the reward of helping people and doing the job they are good at, brings happiness in itself. To put it another way, happiness can be found by using skills that people are trained for and through job satisfaction. Last but not least, another factor influencing happiness is having supportive and loving people in one's life. While money may bring the opportunities to enjoy pleasures, few people would enjoy them on their own. Being surrounded by a loving and caring family is considered by most people to be more valuable than any amount of money. In conclusion, money is not essential for happiness, which can be found through job satisfaction as well as family. If more people strived in life towards true happiness rather than money, I'm totally convinced that the world would be a better place to live in for us and for the next generation to come.
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Money
is
deeply
considered by
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many
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people
to be one of the most
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important
contributing factors towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. From my point of view, it is possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be happy even if they have a limited amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and other aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can play a more vital role in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Although having
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money
brings
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happiness
to
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a lot of
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people
, it does not
necessarily
follow that
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people
without
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money
are,
therefore
, unhappy. Take
for example
the comparison between developing and developed
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countries
, most Westerners would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are happier, enjoy stronger family connections and take more pleasure in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
simplicities
of
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life
to a greater extent than those in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
One way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is through their work.
For instance
, a doctor doing volunteer work in underdeveloped
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countries
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
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people
and doing the job they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at, brings
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happiness
in itself. To put it another way,
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happiness
can
be found
by using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trained
for and through job satisfaction. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, another factor influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is having supportive and loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
may bring the opportunities to enjoy pleasures, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would enjoy them on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Being surrounded
by a loving and caring family
is considered
by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more valuable than any amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, which can
be found
through job satisfaction
as well
as family. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strived in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
towards true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I'm
totally
convinced that the world would be a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in for us and for the
next
generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
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IELTS essay Do you think people can be happy without much money?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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