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Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice. BJYKw
Women should of course be given equal rights to perform to the best of their ability (good collocation) in the market place Generous provisions and allowances should be made into law to encourage this behavior and allow females to also fairly take time out from the career ladder to pursue a family. Making legal structures to facilitate this transition would not only help to improve the worker’s happiness and wellbeing but also improve the health of society as a whole. Japan has a rather bleak future due to the low fertility rate, perhaps this kind of future could be avoided with more generous legislation. Definitely should pursue a career and definitely fulfil the traditional family role also. Government should help make both objectives possible.
Women should
of course
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal rights to perform to the best of their ability (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
collocation) in the market place

Generous provisions and allowances should
be made
into law to encourage this behavior and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
females to
also
fairly
take time out from the career ladder to pursue a family. Making legal structures to facilitate this transition would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the worker’s happiness and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the health of society as a whole.

Japan has a
rather
bleak future due to the low fertility rate, perhaps this kind of future could
be avoided
with more generous legislation.

Definitely should pursue a career and definitely fulfil the traditional family role
also
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both objectives possible.

IELTS essay Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.