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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued, that women must be in the same condition as men and join to the army, national forces and navy. I completely disagree with that statement and consider that women should not be allowed to join to the army First of all, in comparison between men, women are more emotional and weak. The army and military forces require a high- physical training and strong psychological condition. There are a lot of difficult situations which needs a cold thinking and really strong power. Most women do not fit these criterias. For instance, if the war or conflict was occurred, human needs to do a fast and true decision. Women are too emotional and the often make a mistake in comparison with men. That is why women should not join to the military forces. Secondly, by entering to the army women will loose their femininity. Women are not created to fight or hard physical exercises. The main duty of the female part is to birth a baby and do household works. Today, there a lot of issues such as divorce between married pairs due to the loose of women’s femininity and men’s courage. Both men and women loose an attractiveness to each other. Just imagine if your wife is a strong, cold hearted general of the military. Of course, I t would be uncomfortable to communicate with her. That is why female part of the society should not enter to the army. To recapitulate, I strongly believe that, women must not do anything connected with military due to the reason, that it requires a strong physical condition and psychology. Additionally, women will loose their femininity which will lead to many issues.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in the same condition as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to the army, national forces and navy. I completely disagree with that statement and consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
army


Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
in comparison
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more emotional and weak. The army and military forces require a high- physical training and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
psychological condition. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficult situations which needs a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
thinking and
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
power. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not fit these
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “criteria”, the plural form of the noun ‘criteria’?
criterias
.
For instance
, if the war or conflict
was occurred
, human needs to do a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and true decision.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are too emotional and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a mistake
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to the military forces.

Secondly
, by entering to the army
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will
Did you mean “lose” (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their femininity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are not created to fight or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
physical exercises. The main duty of the female part is to birth a baby and do household works.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
It seems that a verb is missing.
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues such as divorce between married pairs due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loose
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
femininity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
courage. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loose
an attractiveness to each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine if your wife is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
,
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
cold hearted
general of the military.
Of course
, I t would be uncomfortable to communicate with her.
That is
why female part of the society should not enter to the army.

To recapitulate, I
strongly
believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not do anything connected with military due to the reason, that it requires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
physical condition and psychology.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
will
Did you mean “lose” (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their femininity which will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues.
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IELTS essay Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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