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some people think that young people should be free to choose their job while other believe that they should be realistic and think about your career

some people think that young people should be free to choose their job while other believe that they should be realistic and think about your career BYEMX
Irrefutably, It is debatable argument the several individuals opine that young people should be choose their job freely. However, Rest of the masses claim that they should be realistic and consider about their future. In my prospective, both agree arguments are reasonable for some reasons. There are certain reasons which can be held accountable behind people's view about, Young generation should be free to choose their job but Nowadays, Choose their career has been a headache for youngsters. One of the reason is that, young people should choose their job independently that they can do work with a plethora of interest as well as a satisfection. In the modern epoch, Every people have become more potential about their career. People can earn money for long term, if they do work according to their choice. To examplify, Research of Oxford University state that 55% of young generation are not worrying about financial. This is because, these people choose job freely. Apart from this, Youngers can achieve good result and can make better career. However, There are opposing voice saying that, Young people should be realistic and consider about their future. if people would think about their future then they can make better life. Realistic way is one of the most effective way. Due to this, Young generation have fulfillments and happiness. However, Some profession give poorly paid. Artist, For example, Although, Artists have many amazing art, yet, They going to Centrelink for bring income. If, people should be realistic they will able to earn more money in their future and living better life. To recapitulate, People may vary opinion but I support upper phenomenon because of aforesaid reasons.
Irrefutably
, It is debatable argument the several individuals opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
Consider using the past participle "chosen"?
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
freely
.
However
, Rest of the masses claim that they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
realistic
and
Did you mean simply "consider their"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In my prospective, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
arguments are reasonable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

There are certain reasons which can
be held
accountable behind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's view about,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
generation should be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choose
their career has been a headache for youngsters. One of the reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
independently
that they can do work with a plethora of interest
as well
as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfection
. In the modern epoch, Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more potential about their career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can earn money for long term, if they do work according to their choice. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, Research of Oxford University state that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation are not worrying about financial. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
freely
. Apart from this,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youngers can
achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better career.

However
, There are opposing voice saying that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
realistic
and
Did you mean simply "consider their"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
then they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Realistic
way is one of the most effective
Please check whether a plural form of 'way' should be used.
way
. Due to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
generation have
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfillments
and happiness.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "professions"?
profession
give
poorly
paid. Artist,
For example
, Although, Artists have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
amazing art,
yet
,
Did you mean "They're going", "They are going", or "They were going"?
They going
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Centrelink
for bring income. If,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
realistic
they
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to earn more money in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and living better life.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may vary opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I support upper phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of aforesaid reasons.
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IELTS essay some people think that young people should be free to choose their job while other believe that they should be realistic and think about your career

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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