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Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. am0m
People have different opinions about the usefulness of playing computer games. While some people consider that children can learn various beneficial skills when they play games on computers, I would argue that spending an excessive amount of time on games is detrimental for them in the long run. On the one hand, there are various valid reasons why it can be argued that playing video games is beneficial for youngsters. First of all, the main reason is that many children can develop hand and eye coordination by playing these games. This skill is further useful in performing real-world tasks such as flying planes or driving submarines. Secondly, if children play these games, it will foster their imagination and creativity as well as logical and thinking abilities. This is due to the fact that while playing sometimes children need to plan and strategize their moves in order to win the game. So, in this process, they would develop certain skills which could be useful in their future. On the other hand, I believe that many youngsters are glued to the screens of technological devices playing for long hours. As these games give new targets and rewards, impressionable minds continuously waste their valuable time in order to accomplish the desired results. As a consequence, they develop an addiction, and for this reason, their playtime and study time is compromised. Rather than doing homework, they spend much of their time in playing games, and hence their academic grades suffer. Moreover, playing indoor games on the console instead of engaging in outdoor activities is detrimental for their health. Therefore, sometimes this causes various health ailments such as obesity. In conclusion, although I understand that video games can be beneficial for students, I agree with the view that some children waste a lot of time playing video games and this could have negative consequences for their academic progress and health.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about the usefulness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn various beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers, I would argue that spending an excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is detrimental for them in the long run.

On the one hand, there are various valid reasons why it can
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is beneficial for youngsters.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can develop hand and eye coordination by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is
further
useful in performing real-world tasks such as flying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
or driving submarines.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, it will foster their imagination and creativity
as well
as logical and thinking abilities.
This is due to the fact that
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to plan and strategize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
in order to win the game.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this process, they would develop certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which could be useful in their future.

On the other hand
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters
are glued
to the screens of technological devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for long hours. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
give new targets and rewards, impressionable minds
continuously
waste their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to accomplish the desired results. As a consequence, they develop an addiction, and
for this reason
, their playtime and study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is compromised
.
Rather
than doing homework, they spend much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and
hence
their academic grades suffer.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the console
instead
of engaging in outdoor activities is detrimental for their health.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
this causes various health ailments such as obesity.

In conclusion
, although I understand that video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be beneficial for students, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and this could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences for their academic progress and health.
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IELTS essay Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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