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Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. DdLE
With the advancement in technology, the way of playing games has revolutionised completely. Nowadays children can play any game online at home without involving themselves physically. In regards to online games some proportion of masses accept it as a useful skill; however, rest of the people think it a worthless activity. Upcoming segments are going to discuss both these ideologies and sum up with relevant conclusion. On one hand, the underlying reasons attributed to the advantages of playing games on computers. Primarily, it is time saving and convenient as anyone can play abundance of games, at a single place without leaving room. Beside this, young minds are able to develop critical problem solving skill be engaging themselves in mysterious and battle field games. For example, it has been proven many times that the children playing online are more capable of solving real life mysteries as compare to other children. Hence, this mode of playing game not only amuses but also helps in cognitive development of young ones. On the flip side, there are plethora of striking factors that repel the ideology of online games. First and foremost, it prone to abundance of health issues; the crucial one is obesity. Teenagers like to spend their whole day on just eating and playing games computers. Consequently, they are becoming couch potatoes and welcoming unhealthy lifestyle. From a local survey, it can be easily conclude that people involving physical games enjoys healthy living and less prone to diseases in comparison with online gamers. Moreover, low academic score is another outcome of this. Since young people are wasting their crucial time on internet games, left with no time for study. In nutshell, even though there are some positive aspects of electronic games, the down sides cannot be undermined. In my opinion, the priority of young ones must be healthful living rather than only recreation.
With the advancement in technology, the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
completely. Nowadays children can play any game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
at home without involving themselves
physically
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proportion of masses accept it as a useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
;
however
, rest of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it a worthless activity. Upcoming segments are going to discuss both these ideologies and sum up with relevant conclusion.

On one hand, the underlying reasons attributed to the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers.
Primarily
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving and convenient as anyone can play abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, at a single place without leaving room. Beside this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
minds are able to develop critical problem solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
be engaging themselves in mysterious and battle field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
, it has
been proven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
that the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
are more capable of solving real life mysteries as compare to other children.
Hence
, this mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
amuses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in cognitive development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones.

On the flip side, there are plethora of striking factors that repel the ideology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
First
and foremost,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
prone to abundance of health issues; the crucial one is obesity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
like to spend their whole day on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
eating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
computers.
Consequently
, they are becoming couch potatoes and welcoming unhealthy lifestyle. From a local survey, it can be
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "concluded".
conclude
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
involving physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
enjoys healthy living and less prone to diseases
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
gamers.
Moreover
, low academic score is another outcome of this. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are wasting their crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for study.

In nutshell,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the
Did you mean "downsides"?
down sides
cannot
be undermined
. In my opinion, the priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be healthful living
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recreation.
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IELTS essay Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.