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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 1
The number of women has increased at workplaces for the past few years. However, some individuals believe that there should be no recruitment of women in the police department. I do not agree with the statement, and will discuss about it in the essay. First of all, crime is not gender-based. In other words, criminals can be either males or females, and it is better to employ lady officers to catch female culprits. The reason is that many female offenders have accused the policemen of sexual harassment; thus, some police officers hesitate to interrogate them. A 2017 survey report suggested that 2 to 10% of sexual assault cases by female prisoners against jail staff were false. Moreover, it is easier for a police officer to deal with the criminals of the same gender. Another important point to consider in favour of the employment of the lady staff in law enforcement authorities is to encourage women empowerment. The reason is that these services involve physical training due to which they start feeling stronger. As a result, they stop fearing and walk with confidence along with their colleagues and others would also get inspired by looking at them. Furthermore, these measures are essential in the developing nations like India, where the crime-rate against women is still higher. Therefore, it is becoming vital to take such steps to strengthen their position in the society. In conclusion, although there are different opinions of people regarding the lady personnel, I believe that this would empower women and help them gain confidence to stand for their rights.
The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has increased at workplaces for the past few years.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that there should be no recruitment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the police department. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and will
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, crime is not gender-based.
In other words
, criminals can be either males or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, and it is better to employ lady officers to catch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
culprits. The reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
offenders have accused the policemen of sexual harassment;
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
police officers hesitate to interrogate them. A 2017 survey report suggested that 2 to 10% of sexual assault cases by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
prisoners against jail staff were false.
Moreover
, it is easier for a police officer to deal with the criminals of the same gender.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the employment of the lady staff in law enforcement authorities is to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment. The reason is that these services involve physical training due to which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
feeling stronger.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
fearing and walk with confidence along with their colleagues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by looking at them.
Furthermore
, these measures are essential in the developing nations like India, where the crime-rate against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
is
still
higher.
Therefore
, it is becoming vital to take such steps to strengthen their position in the society.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regarding the lady personnel, I believe that this would empower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain confidence to stand for their rights.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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