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Some people think that women should be given permission to join army Navy or Air forces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that women should be given permission to join army Navy or Air forces. 86JOB
Women have excelled in all the fields in this modern world. Some people opine that women should be given permission to join the defence forces. I partly agree to the view as women have equal right to participate in any field similar to men but joining defence forces requires intensive training which women are unable to tolerate. To begin with, the major reason women should be allowed to join defence forces is right given by the authorities. Women have proved their metal in all the fields such as technology, engineering and telecasting. They have been lifting the society and economy is in the leaps and bounds. Their hard work and determination has been salubrious for all the fields. For example women association in ISRO have resolved the issue of communication with the apparatus sent to the moon. Hence, women should be allowed to join the defence forces as their intelligence can be utilised in the betterment of nation. However, the reason behind the denial to let women join the defence forces has its own justification. Joining defence forces is not a piece of cake for everybody. It requires portion to be physically as well as mentally composed. All the women are hardworking and determined, men are better at wars because of the toughness and physical potential. Women are emotional and they prefer peace over violence but army, Navy and air force does not demand these qualities. Person should be ready to kill or to be killed. For example living in extremely cold environment cannot be tolerated by women. Thus, giving women sheer permission to join defence forces can not be proven beneficial. To conclude, women have been matching there foot with men in all the fields. Although, it is there right to choose career independently, tough living conditions and violent atmosphere in defence forces make it difficult for women to survive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
have excelled in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
in this modern world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the view as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have equal right to participate in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
similar to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
joining
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
requires intensive training which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are unable to tolerate.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
is right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the authorities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
have proved their metal in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as technology, engineering and telecasting. They have been lifting the society and economy is in the leaps and bounds. Their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and determination has been salubrious for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For example
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
association in ISRO have resolved the issue of communication with the apparatus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the moon.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
as their intelligence can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in the betterment of nation.

However
, the reason behind the denial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justification. Joining
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
is not a piece of cake for everybody. It requires portion to be
physically
as well
as mentally composed. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are hardworking and determined,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are better at wars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the toughness and physical potential.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
emotional and
they
Use "to" with "prefer." You probably meant this: "prefer peace to violence".
prefer peace over violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
army, Navy and air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
does not demand these qualities. Person should be ready to kill or to
be killed
.
For example
living in
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
environment cannot
be tolerated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Thus
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
sheer permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
join
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
can not
be proven
beneficial.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been matching there foot with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Although, it is there right to choose career
independently
, tough living conditions and violent atmosphere in
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to survive.
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IELTS essay Some people think that women should be given permission to join army Navy or Air forces.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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