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Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion?

Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion? wyr3
Some people believe that watching television is not good for children while there are many others who believe that television is informative and educational for children. I firmly agree with the latter statement but in my opinion parents should decide which shows their children should watch. On the one hand, several lines of evidence suggest that television is informative and educational for children. To begin with, shows like world discovery broadcasted on television help children to learn about new inventions. Furthermore, watching programs is an informative way of entertainment for children. For example, my son absolutely loves watching programmes on National Geographic/Discovery/BBC Earth. Many of these programmes have even helped him with his school assignments. He is not really into reading, but these shows give him the knowledge and information he needs. However, television can be informative and educational only when parents decide which shows their children should watch. There are many shows broadcasted on television which can be unsuitable for children. Firstly, there are some shows which are related to violence, drugs and sex. These shows spoil the mindset of children. Secondly, young children blindly follow some characters and learn violent attitude from them. For instance, in the recent past there were many reports about crimes committed by teenagers. Investigations revealed that many of them had the habit of watching violent shows on television. Inspired by these programmes they plotted crimes. This is a good example of the harmful impact of television programmes on children. Thus it goes without saying that parents can make television either destructive or constructive for children. To conclude, although television programmes can be informative for children parents should help them choose the right programmes. If children are allowed to watch whatever they want, they may unwittingly choose shows that have a detrimental impact on them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
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children
while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
and educational for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

On the one hand, several lines of evidence suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
and educational for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
like world discovery broadcasted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about new inventions.
Furthermore
, watching programs is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
way of entertainment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, my son
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
watching
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on National Geographic/Discovery/BBC Earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
have even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him with his school assignments. He is not
really
into reading,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
give him the knowledge and information he needs.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
and educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
broadcasted on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
which can be unsuitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which
are related
to violence, drugs and sex. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
spoil the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
blindly
follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characters and learn violent attitude from them.
For instance
, in the recent past there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reports about crimes committed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Investigations revealed that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them had the habit of watching violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Inspired by these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
they plotted crimes. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of the harmful impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
either destructive or constructive for children.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
informative
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them choose the right
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
whatever they want, they may
unwittingly
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
that have a detrimental impact on them.
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IELTS essay Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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