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Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion?

Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion? VoxJ
It is claimed by some people that television is beneficial for the growth of children. I completely disagree with the statement as watching television is responsible for several health issues and it wastes a lot of precious and productive time of children in the learning stage. To begin with, considering the fact that some program on TV are really motivational for youngsters whereas, this time period of age is to grow physically as well. Spending long hours on television make the lifestyle of the teenagers extremely sedentary and cause serious health problems such as weak eyesight and obesity etc. To exemplify, as compare to previous generation, more number of juveniles are having eyesight problems and migraines solely because of spending most of the time on watching television. Furthermore, most of the children are not aware how to manage the time and how much time should be given to watch television. It generally result in wastage of all the productive time in which they can really learn something more useful in the life such as extraa curricular activities. Moreover, no time left for study as well which results in loss of academic results. For instance, it was analyzed that the children who spend more than two hours to watch television would not be able to achieve good in examinations. So, the time management is indispensable in order to watch television. To conclude, as a result of watching television, children usually get long run health problems and the amount of wastage of time is a way higher than learning from TV. So, watching television is not appropriate and not a good technique for children development.
It
is claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is beneficial for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I completely disagree with the statement as watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is responsible for several health issues and it wastes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
precious and productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the learning stage.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, considering the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
program on TV are
really
motivational for youngsters whereas, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period of age is to grow
physically
as well
. Spending long hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the lifestyle of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
extremely
sedentary and cause serious health problems such as weak eyesight and obesity etc. To exemplify, as compare to previous generation, more number of juveniles are having eyesight problems and migraines
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of spending most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching television.

Furthermore
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not aware how to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. It
generally
Did you mean "results"?
result
in wastage of all the productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in which they can
really
learn something more useful in the life such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
extraa
curricular activities.
Moreover
, no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for study
as well
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in loss of academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
.
For instance
, it
was analyzed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend more than two hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
would not be able to achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in examinations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management is indispensable in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television.

To conclude
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
long run health problems and the amount of wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a way higher than learning from TV.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not appropriate and not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
technique for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
development.
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IELTS essay Some people think that watching TV programmes cam help children's development while other disagree. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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