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Some people think that video games can help children to develop a wide range of skills, while others believe that video games have a negative impact on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that video games can help children to develop a wide range of skills, while others believe that video games have a negative impact on children. Dlw9m
Various video games have been in great demand as they permeate into individuals’ way of entertainment especially among young people. While people have different views about the impacts on those children imposed by this kind of game. Some people think that playing video games can facilitate the acquisition of various skills, enabling adolescents to enrich their spare time and release themselves from hard work. When youngsters interact with electronic devices such as computers and game pads, they are self-motivated to dedicate full concentration and developing tactics to confronting obstacles. During the process, they can learn how to win, what to be adapted after a failure and when to seize an opportunity as well. Many get inspired by involving in playing game roles and they are likely to generate some creative thoughts. Furthermore, communication skills can be promoted dramatically because associating with teammates in games drives them to be exposed to close cooperation. Consequently, not only do children entertain themselves, but they also pick up plenty useful skills which they may not learn in study. Others, however, believe that those children who lack of self-discipline may fall victim to excessive game playing. This is because without parental supervision and control, young minds tend to be obsessed with video games, eroding school performance and concentration and vanishing their time and physical health by throwing themselves into the virtual world. If children are influenced by pornographic or violent contents on the internet, they will be susceptible to rebellious behaviours and intrude others. Therefore, the drawbacks of playing visual games cannot be exaggerated at such a young age, while teachers and parents are responsible for restricting and guiding children towards a relaxing-oriented way of play. In light of these aspects, although video games can provide children with more information and channels to develop a variety of skills, time spend on them should be prioritized by parents to limit their access to games and make their potential addiction to fade away.
Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been in great demand as they permeate into individuals’ way of entertainment
especially
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the impacts on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imposed by this kind of game.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can facilitate the acquisition of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, enabling adolescents to enrich their spare time and release themselves from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. When youngsters interact with electronic devices such as computers and game pads, they are self-motivated to dedicate full concentration and developing tactics to confronting obstacles. During the process, they can learn how to win, what to
be adapted
after a failure and when to seize an opportunity
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired by involving in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
game
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
roles and
they are likely to generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
creative thoughts.
Furthermore
, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
be promoted
dramatically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
associating with teammates in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
drives them to
be exposed
to close cooperation.
Consequently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
entertain themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
pick up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which they may not learn in study.

Others,
however
, believe that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who lack of self-discipline may fall victim to excessive game
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
without parental supervision and control, young minds tend to
be obsessed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, eroding school performance and concentration and vanishing their time and physical health by throwing themselves into the virtual world. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are influenced
by pornographic or violent contents on the internet, they will be susceptible to rebellious
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and intrude others.
Therefore
, the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cannot
be exaggerated
at such a young age, while teachers and parents are responsible for restricting and guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
towards a relaxing-oriented way of play.

In light of these aspects, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with more information and channels to develop a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, time spend on them should
be prioritized
by parents to limit their access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their potential addiction to fade away.
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IELTS essay Some people think that video games can help children to develop a wide range of skills, while others believe that video games have a negative impact on children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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