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Some people think that travel abroad is necessary to learn about other nations others however thik that tv and internet is the best way.

Some people think that travel abroad is necessary to learn about other nations others however thik that tv and internet is the best way. LLdJp
Although, many people argue that travelling abroad is crucial to learn about other countries, others believe TV and the internet are good enough for this tendency. I believe travelling has many benefits to society. In this essay, both opinions will be discussed, followed by my personal view. Admittedly, there are several benefits to travelling to foreign countries. The advantages are twofold. Firstly, those countries with a high rate tourist will face economic growth. In other words, not only the sale in the local shopping will be increased, but it has also positive spin-off on aeroplanes. Turkey is the best example, with a high rate of tourist. Last year the Turkish airways solely sold more than 200 million tickets during the summer holiday. Secondly, it would be wrong if the advantages of people will be forgotten. Those people who are travelling abroad are more open-minded, up-to-date, and understandable. For example, presidents and ministers having an opportunity to travel to foreign can see many aspects of the world out of their circle. On the other hand, thanks to technologies such as social media, nowadays people can see other countries even without travelling. Assuredly, people can gain knowledge about other countries via TV and the internet. Surely, it is an advantage for those who cannot afford to travel. To conclude, I believe the advantages of travelling aboard are more considerable. Nevertheless, the internet and TV have their benefits for some people
Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad is crucial to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
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countries
, others believe TV and the internet are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for this tendency. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to society. In this essay, both opinions will
be discussed
, followed by my personal view.

Admittedly
, there are several benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
are twofold.
Firstly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a high rate tourist will face economic growth. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the sale in the local shopping will
be increased
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
spin-off on
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
. Turkey is the best example, with a high rate of tourist. Last year the Turkish airways
solely
sold more than 200 million tickets during the summer holiday.

Secondly
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be forgotten
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
abroad are more open-minded, up-to-date, and understandable.
For example
, presidents and ministers having an opportunity to travel to foreign can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of the world out of their circle.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, thanks to technologies such as social media, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
even without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
.
Assuredly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
via TV and the internet.
Surely
, it is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
for those who cannot afford to travel.

To conclude
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
aboard are more considerable.
Nevertheless
, the internet and TV have their benefits for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
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IELTS essay Some people think that travel abroad is necessary to learn about other nations others however thik that tv and internet is the best way.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
237 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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