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Some people think that to successful you need to get in a university education ,whereas other day that it is not . Discuss both views?

Some people think that to successful you need to get in a university education, whereas other day that it is not. XDOkg
Nobody can deny that education is necessary to fulfill the desires. In this regard, there are certain individuals who contend that teritory education is beneficial to achieve success, whereas other oppose this notion. while both sides have valid viewpoints in their favour. I believe that education is efficacious. Taking into account certain factors it is justified to believe that how university education is lucrative. Firstly, people who study in a university, get specific knowledge from their tutors about how to cope with difficulties. For instance, individuals study in universities have many chances to face success and failure from a lot of projects in the educational institution, and there are professor guiding them in the right way, however, other have to try many things themselves. Hence, way of success perhaps be slower for individuals are deciding not to get in a university.
Nobody can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is necessary to fulfill the desires. In this regard, there are certain individuals who contend that
Possible spelling mistake found.
teritory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is beneficial to achieve success, whereas other oppose this notion.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
both sides have valid viewpoints in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is efficacious. Taking into account certain factors it
is justified
to believe that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is lucrative.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who study in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
specific knowledge from their tutors about how to cope with difficulties.
For instance
, individuals study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to face success and failure from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
projects in the educational institution, and there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "professors"?
professor
guiding them in the right way,
however
, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things themselves.
Hence
, way of success perhaps be slower for individuals are deciding not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.

IELTS essay Some people think that to successful you need to get in a university education, whereas other day that it is not.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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