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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. GMdMB
It is believed by some group of people that wealthy people is a blessing as they get a chance to help people in need and serve the humanity. In this I will disscuss if it is true. Firstly, as the world is suffering from growth in population due to which resources are not enough for the people. therefor, this is very important if rich people help other people with their money. For instance, developed countries are helping third world countries with their aid in different forms such as supplying food, helping them to develop infrastructure, creating employments through investments are some examples. similarly, rich some rich people are helping through dedicating their wealth in charities like Bill Gates has donated a lion's share of his wealth in charity. Another positive aspect of helping others is that it gives eternal satisfaction to a person. when you become a helping hand to a needy, not only it gives you comfort, as well as it makes you happy. Eventually it makes the world a happy place for human beings. There are some people who do not believe in this idea because they think that the hard earned money is for the person who worked for it, but when you enjoy storing money and multiplying it, you do not get time to enjoy the life. Keeping all these benefits in mind, I would say that the people who spend their money and wealth on the needy people in their proximity or across the world would be happy and internally satisfied by heart. Comments:
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that wealthy
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people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a blessing as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need and serve the humanity. In this I will
Possible spelling mistake found.
disscuss
if it is true.

Firstly
, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is suffering from growth in population due to which resources are not
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enough
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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therefor
, this is
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very
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important
if rich
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
other
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people
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For instance
,
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developed countries
are helping third
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world
countries with their aid in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
forms such as supplying food, helping them to develop infrastructure, creating employments through investments are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are helping through dedicating their wealth in charities like Bill Gates has donated a lion's share of his wealth in charity.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of helping others is that it gives eternal satisfaction to a person.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
you become a helping hand to a needy, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it gives you comfort,
as well
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you happy.
Eventually
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
a happy place for human beings. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not believe in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
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because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is for the person who worked for it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when you enjoy storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and multiplying it, you do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to enjoy the life.

Keeping all these benefits in mind, I would say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and wealth on the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their proximity or across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would be happy and
internally
satisfied by heart.

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IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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