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Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. NN8j
Music play crucial role in every one’s life. Every person has different choice in music, some people like to sad music, pop and rock etc. it depends upon one’s taste. To some extent I disagree with former. Because music different important function. Some people listen to music to relax them self as well some people listen to increase focus and attention as well as social interaction. So I would like to discuss about in the forth coming paragraph. First of all, every person listens to music when he or she want to relax him self. With the help of music people can express their feelings. Some people like to listen music when they are not in good mood beside that, others listen when they want to express their felling. There are some people who like to listen music when are doing work or study so they can increase their focus and attention on things. Furthermore, youngsters also listen to music when they want to boost up their energy level while doing outdoor activities. Moreover, music also effects our moods its depends upon the music type like when we listen sad songs, we tend to decline in mood. When we listen to happy songs, we feel happier. Upbeats songs with energetic riffs and fast- paced rhythms tend to make us excited and pumped up. Last but not least, some people like to listen music for social interaction and bonding. In the end, I would like to conclude that music is also part of life and it has different function. With help of music we can be relax, pumped up as well express their felling’s. children in reading.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
play crucial role in every one’s life. Every person has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choice in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to sad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, pop and rock etc. it depends upon one’s taste. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I disagree with former.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
function.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to relax them self
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to increase focus and attention
as well
as social interaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would like to
Did you mean simply "discuss in"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about in
the forth coming paragraph.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listens
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to relax him self. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can express their feelings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they are not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood beside that, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
when they want to express their felling. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when are doing work or study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can increase their focus and attention on things.
Furthermore
, youngsters
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they want to boost up their energy level while doing outdoor activities.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
effects our moods its depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
type like when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
sad songs, we tend to decline in mood. When we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
to happy songs, we feel happier. Upbeats songs with energetic riffs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
- paced rhythms tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us excited and pumped up. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
listen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for social interaction and bonding.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I would like
to conclude
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is
also
part of life and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
function. With
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
we can be
Consider using the past participle "relaxed"?
relax
, pumped up
as well
express their felling’s.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
in reading.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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