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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? bnr3
Education plays vital role in everyone’s life either children or youngster. Most of the people and countries believe that children can learn more if they go to school early while others not. Every child has right to be educated. In this modern era a lot of school has been built where only children are taught as 4- to 7-year-old. To most extent I agree with the given statement that formal education should be begin at four-year-old, so I would like to discuss about it in the forthcoming paragraph. Firstly, it is well considered that children’s learning ability are at highest from first year as they can learn more than two language so they can miss their golden period if they are not sent to school at earl age. More than that, it is also easy for the parents to raise and educate their children at early age where they can also come know about how to make good relationship with or rather than later. Beside this, they will be more intelligent in education and able to require great marks as well position at later age because they will be stronger from their childhood. On the other side, sending children school at later age will contribute to loose their golden time. they can be stuck in study because they would be needing more information as well as children will be not able to learn more than one language, might they will face problems in their own language. Last but not least, children can also be discomfiting and demoralized while they will sit in class with whom who will younger in age. In the end it can conclude that, sending children to school in age of four is right time for their education. Government and school should also come forward to aware people about the right age of schooling for children as they are future of country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
plays vital role in everyone’s life either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or youngster. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and countries believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn more if they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
early while others not. Every child has right to
be educated
. In this modern era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
been built
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are taught
as 4- to 7-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. To most extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement that formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should be
Consider using the past participle "begun"?
begin
at four-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I would like to
Did you mean simply "discuss it"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about it
in the forthcoming paragraph.

Firstly
, it is well considered that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning ability are at highest from
first
year as they can learn more than two language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can miss their golden period if they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at earl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. More than that, it is
also
easy for the parents to raise and educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
where they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
know about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with or
rather
than later. Beside this, they will be more intelligent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and able to require great marks
as well
position at later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be stronger from their childhood.

On the other side, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will contribute to
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their golden time.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
can
be stuck
in study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
The verb 'needing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be needing
more information
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be not able to learn more than one language, might they will face problems in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
be discomfiting and demoralized while they will sit in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with whom who will younger in age.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
it can conclude that, sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of four is right time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to aware
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of schooling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they are future of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
country
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IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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