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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Kg06
As a matter of fact, art is inseparable part of humanity. Human soul is colorless without art. People are main structures of society and colorless souls mean a catastrophe in the society. Anxiety, stress, depression and a million of different mental disorders are the outcome of artless society. I strongly support the government's investment in music and theatre. Despite the fun and entertainment provided through music and theatre, these are the ways to keep the moral in direction in any societies. As Brecht the German writer, in a period of time brought the defamiliarization to theatre to break the ice of frozen thoughts and believes in his society. the mentioned types of art have to be reinforced and developed in society and a accountable budget should be considered for this matter by the goverments.
As a matter of fact, art is inseparable part of humanity. Human soul is colorless without art.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are main structures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and colorless souls mean a catastrophe in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Anxiety,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression and a million of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mental disorders are the outcome of artless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's investment in music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
. Despite the fun and entertainment provided through music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, these are the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the moral in direction in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
. As Brecht the German writer, in a period of time brought the defamiliarization to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to break the ice of frozen thoughts and believes in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
mentioned types of art
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be reinforced
and developed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
accountable budget should
be considered
for this matter by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
.
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IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?