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Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. 2J6b
There has been much discussion on whether the most essential role of music is to assist people in relaxing or not. While I acknowledge that music plays an important role in relaxation, I believe that music means more than relaxation in our life. + Undoubtedly, it is wrong to overlook the role of music in providing enjoyment. Today, an increasing number of youngers go to parties and clubs to get entertainment and relieve their stress. How it relieves their stress? Furthermore, listening to pop or rock music appears to be a common choice among youth because they get entertainment and have fun with their peers through dancing and listening to pop music. Since music has a power to reduce stress and to provide energy, it is essential for individuals, basically for those who are working and studying under pressure, to rest their minds. Today, an increasing number of youngers go to parties and clubs where they get relaxed by dancing under soothing sounds of music or accompanying the singers. However, I am mostly of the view that music is not only for relaxing the spirit of people, but it also exists for its two more vital functions. First and foremost, people listen to music while they are doing meditation, in the sense that when they listen to soothing music, they can concentrate on their dreams and hopes by thinking optimistically and be in harmony with themselves. Secondly, music is an effective tool for concentration of people. According to some studies, it is indicated that doctors prefer to do their surgeries under the sounds of music which helps them to focus and treat patients successfully. So, music is vital for people while they are meditating and concentrating. To conclude, even though music is an effective tool for providing relaxation for people, I believe that there stay other more crucial functions of music in our life: music is necessary for people’s meditation and concentration.
There has been much discussion on whether the most essential role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in relaxing or not. While I acknowledge that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in relaxation, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
means more than relaxation in our life. +

Undoubtedly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to overlook the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in providing enjoyment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, an increasing number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
go to parties and clubs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertainment and relieve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. How it relieves their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
?
Furthermore
, listening to pop or rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
appears to be a common choice among youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
entertainment and have fun with their peers through dancing and listening to pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and to provide energy, it is essential for individuals,
basically
for those who are working and studying under pressure, to rest their minds.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, an increasing number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
go to parties and clubs where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxed by dancing under soothing sounds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or accompanying the singers.

However
, I am
mostly
of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for relaxing the spirit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
exists for its two more vital functions.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
while they are doing meditation, in the sense that when they listen to soothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, they can concentrate on their dreams and hopes by thinking
optimistically
and be in harmony with themselves.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective tool for concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
studies, it
is indicated
that doctors prefer to do their surgeries under the sounds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to focus and treat patients
successfully
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is vital for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while they are meditating and concentrating.

To conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective tool for providing relaxation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that there stay other more crucial functions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in our life:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
meditation and concentration.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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