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Some people think that the money spent on protecting endangered plant and animal species can be better spent on fighting poverty and unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the money spent on protecting endangered plant and animal species can be better spent on fighting poverty and unemployment. K0mpR
The extinction of certain plants and animal species had lead to various problems in past for human beings as well as to wildlife. However, there is a contracting perspective that money spend on saving endangered species is useless. In my opinion, I agree with the fact that a considerable amount of money should be spent on endangered species. To begin with, it is essential to maintain the food chain in the forest. Moreover, the elimination of certain animals may cause chaos in the chain. For example, in the forest, one group of animals depends on the other for their survival. Hence, the extinction of any animal will lead to disturbance in the wildlife. Secondly, there are a large number of tourists visiting a particular state or area to catch sight of rare animal species. Thus, the extinction of such species can lead to the downfall of tourism affecting the employment of the people living in that area. For example, Ladakh is famous for snow leopards and the extinction of this species will affect the livelihood of the people living in Ladakh as the tourism will be lessened. However, there are numerous people committing suicide due to unemployment and poverty. Hence, spending more money on fighting poverty and unemployment can reduce suicide cases. In conclusion, it is a worthy investment to spend a greater amount on saving endangered species as it will be a lifesaver for ecological biodiversity. Although it is suggested that unemployment and poverty should also be taken care of in order to improve the life of people.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of certain plants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species had lead to various problems in past for human beings
as well
as to wildlife.
However
, there is a contracting perspective that money spend on saving endangered species is useless. In my opinion, I
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
a considerable amount of money should
be spent
on endangered species.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is essential to maintain the food chain in the forest.
Moreover
, the elimination of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
may cause chaos in the chain.
For example
, in the forest, one group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
depends on the other for their survival.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
will lead to disturbance in the wildlife.

Secondly
, there are
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
tourists visiting a particular state or area to catch sight of rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of such species can lead to the downfall of tourism affecting the employment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in that area.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ladakh
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for snow leopards and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extinction
of this species will affect the livelihood of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ladakh
as the tourism will
be lessened
.

However
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
committing suicide due to unemployment and poverty.
Hence
, spending more money on fighting poverty and unemployment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
suicide cases.

In conclusion
, it is a worthy investment to spend a greater amount on saving endangered species as it will be a lifesaver for ecological biodiversity. Although it
is suggested
that unemployment and poverty should
also
be taken
care of in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the money spent on protecting endangered plant and animal species can be better spent on fighting poverty and unemployment.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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