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It is widely believed nowadays that social knowledge and the ability to adapt in a changing society make a school-leaver succeed in getting a job. What do you think about the saying?

It is widely believed nowadays that social knowledge and the ability to adapt in a changing society make a school-leaver succeed in getting a job. What do you think about the saying? VE3q7
Some people state that social knowledge and the ability to adapt in a changing society make a school- leaver succeed in getting a job, others believe that qualification is more important than social skills. In my opinion, I think it is better if you have social cognition. First of all, social knowledge helps colleagues applying for good companies. According to a survey there are about 1500 school- leavers who get aroundround to finding a job and are seen byseen through by scam companies because of their little knowledge so the people who have great social knowledge will be able to avoid them. Secondly, getting a wonderful job calls for the employees to have the ability to adjust to changing circumstances that can bring about outstanding skills. It shows that you are a person with professional skills. For instance, when people can adapt themselves to different teams, they can get along well with almost everyone and they will be regarded as a comfortable person to work with. Therefore, they can come up to their boss’s expectations and there will be many chances for them in life. On the other hand, not only does getting a job need social interaction and adaptation, it requires a well-rounded person to haveperson have many things such as qualifications, theoretical knowledge and so on. Whereas if you only have social interaction and the ability to adapt in different conditions which do not qualify, you can not get a job successfully. In conclusion, we can make sure that the ability to adjust to changing conditions is much more crucial than possessing excellent knowledge since people place emphasis on communication skills, social network and the ability to cooperate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to adapt in a changing society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a school- leaver succeed in getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, others believe that qualification is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is better if you have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
cognition.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
colleagues applying for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. According to a survey there are about 1500 school- leavers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
aroundround
to finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Possible spelling mistake found.
byseen
through by scam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
will be able to avoid them.
Secondly
, getting a wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
calls for the employees to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to adjust to changing circumstances that can bring about outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that you are a person with professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can adapt themselves to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teams, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along well with almost
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everyone and
they will
be regarded
as a comfortable person to work with.
Therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up to their boss’s expectations and there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances for them in life.
On the other hand
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "goes getting".
does getting
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction and adaptation, it requires a well-rounded person to
Possible spelling mistake found.
haveperson
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as qualifications, theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Whereas if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to adapt in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
conditions which do not qualify, you can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
successfully
.
In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to adjust to changing conditions is much more crucial than possessing excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
place emphasis on communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to cooperate.
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IELTS essay It is widely believed nowadays that social knowledge and the ability to adapt in a changing society make a school-leaver succeed in getting a job. What do you think about the saying?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
280 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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