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Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. XW1N
Today we found many factors which helps in our kids development, The most main factors are things like television, friends and music, many people think that those factors are just used for entertainment without being understanding that it plays a very big role of our son's personalities, they don't care about what their child watching on TV or the internet, and the could lead to find a lot of different results of our child personality. Every parents should caring well of what their son or daughter's watching, because if you find him watching a lot of movies of violation that could move a desire for your son to be a criminal person in the future, we might be focusing on the content of the movie that your child watch. Another thing, I would like to have a notice about it, is who are my kid's friends, because friends have a big effect on our child, you must be know well who's the person that he spends a lot of time with him. we should admire that families advices is not enough to keep you children safe, i remember well that last year my aunt found her son in the police station because they had found drugs with him, It was a big shock for her, because she was always thinking that her son has an ideal personality, In my opinion that's happened because she never asked herself, what my son watch? who're his friends?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in our kids development, The most main factors are things like television,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those factors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for entertainment without
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
being understanding
that it plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role of our son's personalities, they don't care about what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
watching on TV or the internet, and
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
could lead to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
results of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
personality.

Every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "parent"?
parents
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "care"
caring
well of what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
or daughter's watching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if you find him watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
movies of violation that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
a desire for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
to be a criminal person in the future, we might be focusing on the content of the movie that your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.

Another thing, I would like to have a notice about it, is who are my kid's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
effect on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using a past participle here: "known".
know
well who's the person that he spends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time with him.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
should admire that families advices is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you children safe,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
remember well that last year my aunt found her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
in the police station
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they had found drugs with him, It was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
shock for her,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she was always thinking that her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
has an ideal personality, In my opinion that's happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she never asked herself
If " what" starts an indirect question, you do not need to put a comma before it.
, what
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
who
're his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
?
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IELTS essay Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.