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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children.Many children suffer because they do not get as much as attention From their parents as children did in the past.

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much as attention From their parents as children did in the past. kNdM
We are currently living in a rapidly advancing world where everyone is busy earning money but that was not the situation in our past. With the increasing demand even women are not bound to house and they want to support their family financially in this modern era. But few people believe that in doing so parents tend to neglect their responsibilities towards their children. Although, I do not agree to this as I believe raising a child is the responsibility of both mother and father and they efficiently do so. This essay will discuss how parents can manage both their work and kids very efficiently. As a working couple we both can manage both our work and a kid. Firstly, due to the increased financial expenses both the parents are bound to earn so that they can fulfill all the necessities of the child. With the advancement of technology anyone can stay connected to their loved ones. For example, everyone is now a days installing CCTV camera’s in their home so that they can keep an eye on the kid’s activities. And if they feel there is some irregular activity happening, they can alert the cops or hospitals. While this is one of the ways where in parents can be connected to her child, there are plethora of options available. Secondly, I believe staying with our own parents has an added advantage. In a country like India children like to stay with their parents even after their wedding unlike in western countries. Kids are bound to get ample amount of love and care even from their grandparents which is enough in the absence of their parents. For instance, mothers always show their love and affection towards their kids in various ways like cooking for them. So, if kid’s parents are not available then their grandparents can step in and be there for the kid. To conclude I completely believe that parents can manage both their personal as well as professional convincingly. And, they can effortlessly cope up with both their work as well as their home.
We are
currently
living in a
rapidly
advancing world where everyone is busy earning money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that was not the situation in our past. With the increasing demand even women are not bound to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
they want to support their family
financially
in this modern era.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to neglect their responsibilities towards their children. Although, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this as I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
raising a child is the responsibility of both mother and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
father and
they
efficiently
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This essay will discuss how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can manage both their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
efficiently
.

As a working couple we both can manage both our work and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
.
Firstly
, due to the increased financial expenses both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are bound
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can fulfill all the necessities of the child. With the advancement of technology anyone can stay connected to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
For example
, everyone is
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
installing CCTV camera’s in their home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
activities. And if they feel there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
irregular activity happening, they can alert the cops or hospitals. While this is one of the ways where in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
be connected
to her child, there are plethora of options available.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
staying with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage. In a country like India children like to stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
even after their wedding unlike in western countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ample amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care even from their grandparents which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
in the absence of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For instance
, mothers always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and affection towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in various ways like cooking for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not available then their grandparents can step in and be there for the kid.

To conclude
I completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can manage both their personal
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
professional
convincingly
. And, they can
effortlessly
cope up with both their work
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
their home.
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IELTS essay Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much as attention From their parents as children did in the past.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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