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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. RpeW
It is considered that the government ought to provide financial support for people who work in the artistical industry such as artists and musicians. Nevertheless, there are people who have completely opposite opinion on this subject. From my point of view, one of the most important tasks for government is sustaining the culture that is why I am with the first position. First, people who work in creative industry are lower paid and often do not appreciate by society compared with essential workers such as technician and doctors. However, it is known that culture is what defines and combine a nation. What is more, artworks represent heritage and history of the country. Secondly, artists cultivate and spread knowledge about national culture abroad. Artists do this by representing the country on international competitions and contests. An excellent example is the very popular competition called Eurovision, as a consequence the Edyta’s Górniak victory in that competition, many people from the whole world visited Poland to learn about Polish culture. Thirty, the government support has an impact on accessibility to culture. In Poland tickets to cultural events are partly refunded by the government therefore a number of people can afford to participate in them. Furthermore, if the government stopped supporting art, ticket prices would have to rise. In conclusion, the culture is extremely important to the state and citizens that is why it shall be promoted by the government.
It
is considered
that the
government
ought to provide financial support for
people
who work in the
artistical
industry such as artists and musicians.
Nevertheless
, there are
people
who have completely opposite opinion on this subject. From my point of view, one of the most
important
tasks for
government
is sustaining the
culture
that is
why I am with the
first
position.

First
,
people
who work in creative industry are lower paid and
often
do not appreciate by society compared with essential workers such as technician and doctors.
However
, it
is known
that
culture
is what defines and combine a nation.
What is more
, artworks represent heritage and history of the country.

Secondly
, artists cultivate and spread knowledge about national
culture
abroad. Artists do this by representing the country on international competitions and contests. An excellent example is the
very
popular competition called Eurovision, as a consequence the
Edyta
’s
Górniak
victory in that competition,
many
people
from the whole world visited Poland to learn about Polish culture.

Thirty, the
government
support has an impact on accessibility to
culture
. In Poland tickets to cultural
events
are partly refunded by the
government
therefore
a number of
people
can afford to participate in them.
Furthermore
, if the
government
stopped
supporting art, ticket prices would
have to
rise.

In conclusion
, the
culture
is
extremely
important
to the state and citizens
that is
why it shall
be promoted
by the
government
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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