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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musician. To what extent do you agree?

There are a certain number of people who believe that the government should invest money in art, therefore, I disagree with this statement. I will come with details as follows; On the first hand, the government should have to make a balance between the arts and other parts. As it should classify things as per the importance. For example, science is the most important field that country should take care of. Creating methods by using the science field helps us to improve the environment of the country. It was mentioned that there are scientists, they have come with inventing devices which it can support to clear air pollution which it results from fossil fuel. Unfortunately, their ideas have not been supported to invent. However, the government must have set an eye for them because they can be counted as creative people as well. So keeping a proportion of money to be invested for them is a good idea. So it has to work to adopt their inventions for the future for getting a better situation and environment. Also, if it did not work on them to take them as an advantage, undoubtedly, their thoughts and ideas would be buried forever. As a consequence, there will be a reason for leaving the origin country. As a result, the country will lose them as well. However, the government should make a balance, not by giving attention only to art and ignoring other important sides. On the second hand, arts are also an essential area, so making another proportion of money investment to this domain, it would motivate artists and musicians to do something for the country, As they can be counted as talents people. Besides, the arts play an integral role in reflecting the image of the country. Therefore, it reflects about traditions of the country and its civilization. In brief, making a balance between both sides will assist the country from losing them in the future. As a result, they might be a useful asset. Notably, it should not take care of one part, and neglect another part.
There are a certain number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
therefore
, I disagree with this statement. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
as follows;

On the
first
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and other parts. As it should classify things as per the importance.
For example
, science is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
field that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should take care of. Creating methods by using the science field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the environment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It
was mentioned
that there are scientists, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with inventing devices which it can support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
air pollution which it results from fossil fuel. Unfortunately, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
have not
been supported
to invent.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have set an eye for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
be counted
as creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
keeping a proportion of money to
be invested
for them is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work to adopt their inventions for the future for getting a better situation and environment.
Also
, if it did not work on them to take them as an advantage,
undoubtedly
, their thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
would
be buried
forever. As a consequence, there will be a reason for leaving the origin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will lose them
as well
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance, not by giving attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and ignoring other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sides.

On the second hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
also
an essential area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
making another proportion of money investment to this domain, it would motivate artists and musicians to do something for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, As they can
be counted
as talents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
play an integral role in reflecting the image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, it reflects about traditions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and its civilization.

In brief
, making a balance between both sides will assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from losing them in the future.
As a result
, they might be a useful asset.
Notably
, it should not take care of one part, and neglect another part.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musician.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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