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Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musician. To what extent do you agree?

Few individuals believe that the government must provide financial aid to those who are pursuing careers in the creative fields. To an extent I second the thought, however, I don’t completely agree that the government must provide artists with monetary benefits. This essay delves into my opinion on the topic. A prosperous career in the field of music and art is a privilege only to a selected few. Every successful artist will experience some amount of hardships during the start of his/her career. While hard work and strong determination are needed to grow big within the creative industry, sometimes luck also plays an equally important role. Those who are gifted but are not lucky enough will have several financial difficulties, particularly if they don’t belong to settled and stable income backgrounds. Inconsistency in income will lead to stress, anxiety, and depression for many individuals. Hence, government intervention is needed for musicians and others in the creative field to support their daily living. However, it should not be mandatory for the government to support those belonging to the creative fields, simply because not everyone is deserving of monetary help. For instance, someone who is well settled and earning millions doesn’t require the support of the government. Those deciding to start a career in such a challenging field must also be willing to do odd jobs to support themselves. To recapitulate, while the government must help those in creative careers to an extent, it is also not their complete responsibility, and those joining the creative industry should not be completely dependent on the governing bodies for financial support.
Few individuals believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide financial aid to those who are pursuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. To an extent I second the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
however
, I don’t completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide artists with monetary benefits. This essay delves into my opinion on the topic.

A prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of music and art is a privilege
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to a selected few. Every successful artist will experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of hardships during the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. While
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and strong determination
are needed
to grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
industry,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
luck
also
plays an
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. Those who
are gifted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not lucky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
will have several financial difficulties,
particularly
if they don’t belong to settled and stable income backgrounds. Inconsistency in income will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety, and depression for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
intervention
is needed
for musicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their daily living.

However
, it should not be mandatory for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
those belonging to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
,
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not everyone is deserving of monetary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For instance
, someone who is well settled and earning millions doesn’t require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Those deciding to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in such a challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be willing to do odd jobs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
themselves.

To recapitulate, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to an extent, it is
also
not their complete responsibility, and those joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
industry should not be completely dependent on the governing bodies for financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artist and musician.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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