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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There are two different views among people regarding crime prevention. While some recognize the government as responsible for that, others believe that individuals should protect themselves. Taking one of these two contradictory opinions into account, can make remarkable changes in society. I try to take a deeper look in each view and give my opinion in what follows. On one hand, there are people who think the responsibility of government is inevitable in crime prevention. Therefore, if anyone tries to damage someone else or to endanger others’ rights, there should be rules to support those who are under threat. Considering this mindset, one is not allowed to react and should follow the necessary steps in order to defend their rights. This can be good if the government can engage quickly enough that people are not hurt, and their rights are protected. Otherwise, if the governmental systems are not efficient enough, there would be serious consequences. On the other hand, there are people who believe in self protection against criminals and do not consider government responsible for that. This can have advantages and disadvantages for society. However, the most important aspect of this opinion is that society will go in a direction to become chaotic. Although having the right to defend ourselves can be beneficial, the chaos of not knowing government responsible for that outweighs those benefits. All in all, I feel that I share the same values with those who has the prior opinion. This is mostly because of the fact that it brings discipline into society. If we imagine a society in which individuals are responsible for their self-protection, we can easily understand that those who are weaker, would be definite victims of such system.
There are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views among
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people
regarding crime prevention. While
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some
recognize the
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government
as
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responsible
for that, others believe that individuals should protect themselves. Taking one of these two contradictory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
into account, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I try to take a deeper look in each view and give my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
in what follows.

On one hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is inevitable in crime prevention.
Therefore
, if anyone tries to damage someone else or to endanger others’
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rights
, there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to support those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under threat. Considering this mindset, one is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to react and should follow the necessary steps in order to defend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can engage
quickly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
that
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people
are not hurt, and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
are protected
.
Otherwise
, if the governmental systems are not efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, there would be serious consequences.

On the other hand
, there are
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
self protection
against criminals and do not consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for that. This can have advantages and disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will go in a direction to become chaotic. Although having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to defend ourselves can be beneficial, the chaos of not knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for that outweighs those benefits.

All in all, I feel that I share the same values with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has the prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
. This is
mostly
This phrase is redundant. Consider using “because”.
because of the fact that
it brings discipline into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. If we imagine a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in which individuals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
for their self-protection, we can
easily
understand that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are weaker, would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
victims of such system.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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