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Visa regulation should be relaxed for overseas students. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that countries should make conditions for getting study visas easier. To my way of thinking, I agree with this opinion due to the fact that it might help to improve scientific and social ties between countries. Obviously, many people have negative thoughts about this idea owing to the fact that many universities have another simplified conditions for recruiting foreign students. This causes argues in society and discontent between groupmates. If the conditions for study visas are simplified, this problem could lead to even more serious disagreements between national students and overseas students. To give an illustration, I read on the blog of a girl from Kazakhstan how she was condemned because she did not take the entrance exams for the best university of the country, where she lives now. Although this problem is not common, it is present in modern society. On the other hand, as I said earlier, more simplified study visas can encourage the exchanges between different countries in terms of academic, science, sport or art. For this reason, many countries are interested in foreign students studying at their universities and finding jobs in their companies in the future, as this will improve the economy and development of the country. My half-sister, for instance, is now studying and working in Canada. And foreign companies are really interested in students like her, as she knows several languages, studies well and contributes to the country's economy. Taking everything into account, in my view, it would be more beneficial for countries to simplify the conditions of entry for foreign students not only for prosperity of the economy and other terms of modern life, but also for the expanded facilities for the students.
It is
widely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
conditions for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
visas easier. To my way of thinking, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion due to the fact that it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
scientific and social ties between countries.

Obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts about this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
owing to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities have another simplified conditions for recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This causes
You should probably use “argue”.
argues
in society and discontent between
Possible spelling mistake found.
groupmates
. If the conditions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
visas
are simplified
, this problem could lead to even more serious disagreements between national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To give an illustration, I read on the blog of a girl from Kazakhstan how she
was condemned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she did not take the entrance exams for the best university of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, where she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Although this problem is not common, it is present in modern society.

On the other hand
, as I said earlier, more simplified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
visas can encourage the exchanges between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in terms of academic, science, sport or art.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying at their universities and finding jobs in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the future, as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy and development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. My half-sister,
for instance
, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
studying and working in Canada. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
really
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like her, as she knows several languages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
well and contributes to the country's economy.

Taking everything into account, in my view, it would be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to simplify the conditions of entry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for prosperity of the economy and other terms of modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the expanded facilities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay Visa regulation should be relaxed for overseas students.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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