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Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves Discuss both views and give your opinion v.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves 5
Most of the people are anticipating to go abroad and live life with luxury. Therefore, people prefer to listen to new experiences from others who stay overseas. I cannot see any wrong path for sharing their experiences with others. It will enhance other’s expectations and avid to visit other countries in the future. A person who spends in another country is not an easy activity, it may be a complex situation. Therefore, the ideas of the person living in a foreign country have a significant value. When people try to travelling overseas, it is essential to acknowledge some details from people who live in those countries. It assists to avoid disturbances and preserve their mentality. In my perspective, experiences and knowledge cannot be measured because it may useful for embarking a new life. Therefore, teaching some new involvement in aborad is important for some people. However, people can believe it may harm their traditional values. For instance, juveniles can persuade to dress, live, and manage their languages as a foreign language after hearing western patterns. Also, parents may worry about their kids because they may need to visit overseas. It may become a huge challenge for their parents, and destitute people cannot afford it. Furthermore, modern society automatically tends to catch up with other social upbringings such as dancing, music, and the western educational system. I believe, sometimes, it may impact the own characteristics of persons, and vanish their born traditional values. Therefore, some drawbacks can be seen in teaching a variety of nations. To sum up, people have to absorb positive outcomes from studying overseas experiences and try to escape negative circumstances. People may vary in contemporary society, and they can obtain new teaching experiences for improving their lifestyle. However, some may absorb destructive practices from abroad experiences, and it will give a negative impression for the society. Therefore, I recommend person be aware of the fresh and diverse universal backgrounds, and they have the responsibility to select the proper way.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are anticipating to go abroad and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life with luxury.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
from others who stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
. I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path for sharing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
with others. It will enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other’s
expectations and avid to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the future.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who spends in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not an easy activity, it may be a complex situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
have a significant value. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
Did you mean "travel"?
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
, it is essential to acknowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It assists to avoid disturbances and preserve their mentality. In my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and knowledge cannot
be measured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
The word 'useful' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
may useful
for embarking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
involvement in
Possible spelling mistake found.
aborad
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can believe it may harm their traditional values.
For instance
, juveniles can persuade
Did you mean "dressing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'persuade' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to dress
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, and manage their languages as a foreign language after hearing western patterns.
Also
, parents may worry about their kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may need to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
. It may become a huge challenge for their parents, and destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford it.
Furthermore
, modern society
automatically
tends to catch up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social upbringings such as dancing, music, and the western educational system. I believe,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, it may impact the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
, and vanish their born traditional values.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in teaching a variety of nations.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
absorb
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes from studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and try to escape
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
circumstances.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may vary in contemporary society, and they can obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
for improving their lifestyle.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may absorb destructive practices from abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, and it will give a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression for the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
be aware of the fresh and diverse universal backgrounds, and they have the responsibility to select the proper way.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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