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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. 0J73
According to people, authorities tend to invest their funds such as arts and culture, they should put money into science and technology. This essay agrees with this statement as well states should be responsible for citizens safety and should invest more in new technologies certainly not in different form of arts, sculptures. To begin with, people doesn't seems interested in arts and culture only if they are avid about paintings or monuments. Nowadays, authorities should provide good facilities, should invest money in share markets and foreign companies. However, younger generation has develop interest area in technologies. Researches show that economy rate will be declined if authorities will increase their growth in new assets and accommodation in people's welfare funds. On the other hand, they should develop awareness in science and technology, due to the fact in future there will be digital platform and Artificial Intelligence. For instance, survey show that digital platform will have significant growth in digital marketing, social media platform within 10 years. Furthermore, people will allow to work from home in view of the fact that foreign policies are convenient and lenient it provides every facility for employee. People will have affect on mental-health due to the fact they won't have enough interaction with citizens and community. Investing cash in public funds, science and technology, road developments, hotel industry development which has been recommended by experts. In conclusion, states should avoid investing funds in art and culture and should provide more facilities in technology and safety of communities. I believe that, people will be in safe future if authorities will develop interest in technology.
According to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
tend to invest their funds such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and culture, they should put money into science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
as well
states should be responsible for citizens safety and should invest more in new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
certainly
not in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, sculptures.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
doesn
't
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "seem"
seems
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and culture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they are avid about paintings or monuments. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
should provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities, should invest money in share markets and foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
However
, younger generation has
Use past participle here: "developed".
develop
interest area in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. Researches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that economy rate will
be declined
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
will increase their growth in new assets and accommodation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's welfare funds.

On the other hand
, they should develop awareness in science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, due to the fact in future there will be digital platform and Artificial Intelligence.
For instance
, survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that digital platform will have significant growth in digital marketing, social media platform within 10 years.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
to work from home in view of the fact that foreign policies are convenient and lenient it provides every facility for employee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will have
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on mental-health due to the fact they won't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
interaction with citizens and community. Investing cash in public funds, science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, road developments, hotel industry development which has
been recommended
by experts.

In conclusion
, states should avoid investing funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture and should provide more facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and safety of communities. I believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be in safe future if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authorities
will develop interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
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IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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