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some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. 9d70
In recent times we are witnessing some restoration work by our government, to preserve our ancient arts. Hence, this has become a controversial topic, among people as most of them believe that, there are more useful things where the government needs to focus on rather than wasting funds on preserving historical artifacts. As a citizen, I personally do not agree with the view completely, as I always feel there is a necessity of preserving our arts in order to keep our culture intact especially for our future generation. The first and foremost thing that comes to my mind is the cultural impact that my country holds in the global market will lose it's position if we start demolishing our heritage buildings or temples which are famous for the ancient art which was created by the laborers who worked centuries ago. People across the globe visit these destinations to admire our culture and to research them. This not only brings global recognition for our country but also helps our economy to develop, mostly from the tourism industry. Secondly, through arts, we are able to learn the historical significance of a place or thing, then we make other people aware of it, especially our future generation who prefers electronic gadgets over books, which are the only resource to understand our arts and architecture. If the government, do not spend on it's maintenance, soon we'll lose most of the ancient relic which is on the verge of getting destroyed. However, this preservation doesn't necessarily mean that the government will sideline the other important projects for the society like developing new roads and buildings. Manufacturing for the progress of a developing nation is always important, but not at the cost of losing the precious arts which is the only way to connect to those eras where technology reached greater heights that are yet to match by our present scientists. Hence, investing money in arts isn't a waste by any means.
In recent times we are witnessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restoration work by our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, to preserve our ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
Hence
, this has become a controversial topic, among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as most of them believe that, there are more useful things where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to focus on
rather
than wasting funds on preserving historical artifacts. As a citizen, I
personally
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view completely, as I always feel there is a necessity of preserving our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our culture intact
especially
for our future generation.

The
first
and foremost thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind is the cultural impact that my country holds in the global market will lose
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it's
position if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
demolishing our heritage buildings or temples which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
which
was created
by the laborers who worked centuries ago.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
across the globe visit these destinations to admire our culture and to research them. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings global recognition for our country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our economy to develop,
mostly
from the tourism industry.

Secondly
, through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, we are able to learn the historical significance of a place or thing, then we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware of it,
especially
our future generation who prefers electronic gadgets over books, which are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
resource to understand our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and architecture. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, do not spend
Did you mean "on its maintenance"?
on it's maintenance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
we'll lose most of the ancient relic which is on the verge of getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.

However
, this preservation doesn't
necessarily
mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will sideline the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
projects for the society like developing new roads and buildings. Manufacturing for the progress of a developing nation is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the cost of losing the precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to connect to those eras where technology reached greater heights that are
yet
to match by our present scientists.
Hence
, investing money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
isn't a waste by any means.
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IELTS essay some people think that the government is wasting money on arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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